#about being stuck here and having to deal with certain things permanently

[thethingything]

the sun's started rising around the same time it does in late spring so now I've got that weird nostalgia for when I first showed up in the system and I'm also stuck thinking about when Lucy was like "September is the March of the year" because while that's kind of a ridiculous quote, I do get what they meant with it

[youremyheaven]

Rahu & Ketu: The Mystery of Being

TW: abuse, rape, murder, abduction, childhood trauma, violence

The more I study Nodal energy, the more I realise how truly hard it is to remain within its influence, it escapes your grip or eludes you so easily and I think even Nodal natives feel this way, its really hard to have a stable/consistent self image or strong identity because with Rahu you are sooo many different things and your energy is dispersed completely (Rahu being the "head") and with Ketu, you're in the dark completely so you feel unable to identify with anything permanently i.e you outgrow things quickly (Ketu being the "body"). Both Rahu & Ketu are malefics and generally considered to be inauspicious but please don't be discouraged!!

The reason why they're considered inauspicious is because Rahu creates excessive immersion in the material realm as these natives are always looking out of themselves/seeking external things to centre themselves around. Since they're stuck in the head (literally) they're unable to be grounded or tethered. This causes overindulgence and gluttony. They might seem greedy on the outside but truly this is driven by their boundary-less nature where they literally do not know when to stop, nothing feels "enough" for them, they never feel "full". Since they're so vastly spacious internally, they can accommodate a lot, this makes them very tolerant and accepting of virtually every one and every kind of experience. But this internal spaciousness also means that they feel empty, just because its hard to "fill up" all that space and feel "fulfilled". This causes them to overexert themselves and go above & beyond. They do this just because they can. This is why they're such obsessive lovers. They have so much space, so much to hold, they need a great deal of stimulation just to feel normal. In social settings they may come across as very hyper, very loud, very extra, always doing the most, eager to please everyone (its similar but different to Jupiter energy). This over-attachment to the physical or sensorial realm means that its hard for them to transcend beyond it to attain true spiritual liberation. They can never fully let go because its very scary to be cut off that way. Its like floating in space, nothing to hold on to, no gravity, nothing to fall on, you can't stay still, its all very disorienting.

The reason Ketu is considered inauspicious is because it causes extreme detachment from everything. These natives don't have a strong sense of self, they feel themselves dissolve almost and they're always wandering in search of something to connect to. This complete lack of attachment to anything material or concrete means that these natives lack grounding. In order to care about something you have to be firmly rooted in reality and Ketuvians struggle with this because they're never fully here. They may intellectually understand or support social causes but its a torso without a head, which means they dont have the energy to be committed to sustaining interest in anything. They're the type of people who go through a lot of different "phases". One can only transcend if one is connected to life in the first place, these natives aren't. It DOES make spiritual understanding easier and Ketu is considered one of the most spiritual planets but it is difficult to be rooted or grounded in this or be disciplined about it because like I said Ketu is detached. They inherently understand certain spiritual truths but its very rare (unless other positive placements are present) for these natives to fully immerse themselves in spiritual pursuits.

(table by me😎hehe)

Its very interesting to me that none of the Nodal naks have the purushartha ("motivation") of Moksha (liberation). All 6 naks are evenly split between Artha, Kama & Dharma.

This again points to how even though Nodal influence helps one grasp spiritual concepts better and naturally embody certain spiritual truths, these natives are not motivated by it.

But often what happens is that these natives are unable to enjoy or benefit from their successes. Their lives are full of ups and downs. The shadowy nature of the planets and the fact that the lack of physical existence of these planets creates a very "boundary less" energy that makes them susceptible to every kind of influence, good and bad.

Pierce Brosnan- Ardra Moon

Pierce Brosnan’s hardships pretty much started at the very beginning. Born into a poor family in rural Ireland, he was swiftly abandoned by his father, who he would only go on to meet once. His mother was forced to send him to live with his grandparents while she worked as a nurse in England, then his aunt and uncle, and then onto a boarding house. His mother visited twice a year until he could move to England at age 11, at which point he became the focus of school bullies.

In 1980, Brosnan married Cassandra Harris and adopted the 3 children of her late-husband, adding one more to the mix for good measure. But in 1991, Cassandra died in his arms after a 4 year battle with ovarian cancer, which would later go on to take the life of their 41 year old daughter Charlotte in 2013. By then, he had become estranged from his son Chris, who had a major drug problem resulting in fights, thefts, and 2 drunk-driving crashes in 2 years. The crashes may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back, as Brosnan had already narrowly avoided losing his son Sean at 13, after Sean’s cousin drunkenly drove off a 200-foot cliff. In 2015, the $18-million Malibu home he lived in caught fire and sustained $1 million in damages.

Kelsey Grammar, Shatabhisha Sun, Mars in Ashwini, Ketu in Ardra

Kelsey Grammer’s troubles started early in life, with his parents splitting up when he was just two years old. His mother’s parents took them in, and helped raise Kelsey until he was 12, when his grandfather died of cancer. The following year, his father was murdered by a home intruder who had started a fire, all in front of his new family.

Then in 1975, Grammer’s 18 year old sister Karen was abducted, raped, and murdered by four men who left her for dead. Sadly, Karen had enough strength to make it to a nearby house, where bloody handprints revealed she was attempting to ring the door. The house was empty. Kelsey identified his sister’s body one week later. 2 years later, both of his half-brothers died in a scuba diving accident.

Shockingly, Grammer has appeared at the parole hearings of the last remaining member of the gang who killed his sister. In 2014, he spoke directly to the killer at the hearing, stating “You could not have come to a better person in the world than me to advocate for someone who has made some bad choices. I accept your apology. I forgive you. However, I cannot give your release my endorsement. To give that a blessing would be a betrayal of my sister’s life.

Nicki Minaj- Mula Stellium (Mercury, Venus & Ketu)

Throughout her childhood, Minaj had to contend with her abusive, drug-addicted father, who would regularly beat her mother, punch holes in the walls, get arrested, and sell their possessions for drug money. At one point, he attempted to kill her mother by lighting the house on fire. Despite all this, the pair are still together, and Dad apparently isn’t too happy when she tells that story. To this, she says “It’s the price you pay when you abuse drugs and alcohol. Maybe one day your daughter will be famous and talk to every magazine about it, so think about that, dads out there who want to be crazy.” Nicki is currently married to a paedophile and convicted rapist so there's that as well.

Terrence Howard, Mula Moon, Ashwini Venus conjunct Saturn

Terrence Howard suffered physical abuse not only at the hands of his father, but his mother as well. When he was two, he witnessed his father stab a man to death, for which he was convicted of manslaughter. His mother raised him until his father was released, at which point they divorced, and he was sent to live with his grandparents. At age 16, Howard had himself legally emancipated, moved to New York, and lived off welfare while he tried to make it as an actor. While that was undoubtedly one of the hardest decisions he will ever make, it seems it was the right one.

Jennifer Hudson, Shatabhisha Moon

In 2008, Jennifer Hudson's mother, Darnell Donnerson (57) and her brother, Jason (29) were shot to death by her estranged brother-in-law, William Balfour. Hudson's nephew, Julian (7), was reported missing, but found three days later dead of multiple gunshot wounds.

Roy Orbison, Ashwini Sun, Jupiter in Mula & Ketu in Ardra

In 1966, Roy Orbison's wife, Claudette Frady, was killed when the couple were riding motorcycles. She was hit by a semi truck and killed instantly. Just two years later, Orbison's house burned down, killing two of his three sons. In 1973, his older brother, Grady, was killed in an auto accident while traveling to spend thanksgiving with Orbison.

Shania Twain, Magha Sun, Mars in Swati She was born into poverty with five siblings in rural Canada. Throughout her childhood, she endured and witnessed abuse to her mother from her stepfather, who lived with the family. Aside from the abuse, her family often didn't have money to have food for lunch or shoes for the winter. Even more tragic, her parents were killed in a car accident when she was 22 years old, and Twain began singing gigs to provide for her siblings. She told Oprah Winfrey in a sit-down interview, "Coming from where I came from, it was unimaginable to ever be wealthy. That was just too far out of my reach." She then went on to become one of the best selling female pop and country artists of all time.

Ashley Judd, Ashwini Sun & Mercury, Magha Jupiter & Ascendant

This actress comes from a famous family, with both her mother and half-sister being country music artists. Judd’s parents divorced when she was four, and she moved all around the southern United States while her mother sought success, attending over a dozen schools. Judd is the survivor of three sexual assaults, and one of these awful instances resulted in an unwanted pregnancy, which Judd terminated. The harmful treatment didn’t stop there. Judd alleges that she was also sexually harassed by Harvey Weinstein, whom she later sued.

Christina Aguilera, Mula Sun

Christina’s father Fausto worked for the US Army, meaning that the family moved around a lot, even going as far as Japan. On top of this lack of stability, her father emotionally and physically abused her. Her parents divorced when Aguilera was six, and she subsequently became estranged from her father. Aguilera used music to escape her turbulent home life, and her talent was obvious from a young age. This talent took her far, and she is now one of the highest-selling artists in the history of music.

Reza Pahlavi and his wife, Princess Soraya, Ardra Stellium (sun, mercury & venus)

Soraya was his favourite wife and supposedly his "true love", but since she was infertile and he had no sons from his other marriage, he had to divorce her to marry another woman, Farah Pahlavi, Ardra Moon, Magha Rising (who did end up giving him 2 sons out of 4 children). Soraya lived in Paris following their divorce and did fall in love again but she did not live a very happy life (her partner died in a plane crash). Farah Pahlavi's reign as Queen was cut short by the Iranian revolution following which both Reza & Farah were exiled from their own country, they lived in many places, Reza passed away 2 years into exile and Farah has since lived in obscurity in the United States. 2 out of her 4 children committed suicide and it is widely assumed that the family has gone broke.

Tragedy can happen to anyone and no nakshatra or planet will protect or prevent it but Rahu influence creates sudden gains and losses. What is quickly gained is also quickly lost. This is why Rahu is deeply connected to entertainment because not only is the entertainment industry entirely illusory, it also does not guarantee anything. You're a glorified freelancer basically. If you're not wise, you can lose everything in minutes. There is so much temptation all around you, you're surrounded by so many false promises and its very easy to lose yourself in all of it. We often see celebrities and idolize their easy lives but very very very few get to be stars their whole lives and live lives of convenience and comfort. For 90& of people its a very scary, tragic, difficult experience of immense highs and lows.

Nodal success feels dissatisfactory because Nodal people are unable to ground themselves in anything solid (unless other aspects that can do this are present) its very very easy for them to lose themselves in Maya or to be so completely detached that they do the necessary "maintenance" work that it takes to be a fully involved human being in anything.

Many say that the reason Farah Pahlavi's life was so tragic was because she took Princess Soraya's rightful place and Soraya's sadness had "cursed" Reza & Farah's marriage. that's stuff of urban myth but don't you think its interesting that a woman who wasn't of noble birth, rose to the ranks of Queen at the age of 21, lived a life of luxury very few can even conceive of and produced 2 male heirs!! which is all that the King wanted🙄🙄but ultimately none of it mattered? Reza having an "heir" made no difference because the Iranian Revolution overthrew the monarchy, they had to leave their palace, their luxuries, their maids and servants and every kind of comfort behind to live like nobodies in exile. They watched their treasury grow smaller and smaller year after year and obviously, no one was used to "working" so nobody got a job to take care of themselves or the others (I mean Farah and her 4 kids btw). They can never go back to their homeland or regain what was once lost. They're in a position that very few (other exiled royals) can relate to. They are socially and culturally isolated. All of these are Nodal themes.

Another Princess with nodal placements and a similarly tragic life is Princess Diana, Ardra Sun & Mercury with Moon conjunct Ketu

There are many royals who've lived more moderate lives or less tragic lives. Having it all and losing it all is a very Nodal theme.

It reminds me of SUGA's Interlude by Halsey (Swati stellium) where she sings:

I been trying all my life To separate the time In between the having it all And giving it up, yeah (Hey) I wonder what's in store If I don't love it anymore (Hey) Step between the having it all And giving it up, yeah (Hey)

Success is a very illusory experience for these natives. Its like trying to build sandcastles on the shore. I am by no means suggesting that Nodal people can't be successful, just that if they depend on "success" to give their life meaning, they're setting themselves up for failure. You ruin anything you singlehandedly obsess over, its important to know when to stop, when to withdraw.

These natives tend to go to extremes just to feel something

Zayn Malik- Shatabhisha Rising and Gigi Hadid- Ashwini Sun & Rising

idk anything about their sex life together but if we're to go by the songs then its 👀 giving bdsm

After that horrendous Revati video that Claire did years ago (and has deleted since I think) people associate BDSM, sexual deviancy and all around freakish behaviour with Revatis but you know who is actually crazy in bed? Nodal people

pornography impacts the brain much like an addictive drug by triggering ever-increasing amounts of dopamine. Over time, the brain builds up a tolerance to the excess dopamine and requires either more access or more extreme content (or sometimes both) to achieve that same level of perceived pleasure. In short, when viewing pornography, your brain gets less pleasure while wanting more, often causing desensitization and an escalation in behavior.

Kanye West, Venus & Mars in Ashwini

Kanye West's first encounter with sexual desire came during early childhood, fueling a dependency on sex that would set in during adulthood. “My dad had a Playboy left out at age 5 and it’s affected almost every choice I made for the rest of my life," West told Elle in 2019. "From age 5 till now, having to kick the habit and it just presents itself in the open like it's OK and I stand up and say, ‘No, it's not OK.’” The singer also credited his faith in God with helping him overcome his struggles. James Franco, Ashwini Sun

Actor James Franco developed an addiction to sex while he was recovering from an addiction to alcohol. On The Jess Cagle Podcast, he admitted to sleeping with students who were attending an acting school he previously ran. “It’s such a powerful drug,” he said. “I got hooked on it for 20 more years. The insidious part of that is that I stayed sober from alcohol all that time.” Since 2016, Franco has been in recovery from sex addiction and continues to work towards a healthy lifestyle.

Billie Eilish, Mula Stellium (Sun, mercury & ketu)

Billie Eilish went through her own struggles with pornography addiction after viewing her first pornographic video at only 11 years old. In an interview on The Howard Stern Show, the "Bad Guy" singer said she used to watch porn to feel like "one of the guys," but has since distanced herself from it entirely. "I think it really destroyed my brain and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn,"

Charlie Sheen, Mula Moon

he is a pretty well known sex addict and sexual assaulter :/

Michael Douglas, Mula Moon

He's been candid about his struggles with alcohol and sex addiction. Michael even went so far as to say that his throat cancer was caused by performing oral sex on so many women.

Every good thing can be "bad" if its used as a coping mechanism and this includes sex.

Ketuvians are like black holes that absorb all the light, they have to suck everything in. They absorb easily but they don't feel rooted in anything beyond a short period of time. many say that Nodal natives have no moral compass or that they're thrill chasers or that they're not "good people" but honestly Nodal energies are just really hard to master. some people turn it into art, or work or something else where they can channel their obsessive energies fully without holding back. compartmentalizing things is hard for these natives so its important to have areas where you can go all out whilst exercising some modicum of boundary or balance in others.

Maladaptive daydreaming is another big struggle for Nodal people. they're also prone to nihilism and cynicism because they can't enjoy life in the same way as they need a lot of stimulation (they're desensitized to ordinary levels of stimulation of any kind). This means they struggle to find meaning in life. Apathy is their natural state of being. Its just hard to care because in order to care you have to be firmly rooted which Nodal people are not.

This is a quote by Werner Herzog, Ardra Moon who is a filmmaker known for his nihilism and scepticism.

Dos Passos did not have any major placements in any Nodal naks save for his Mars in Mula and Rahu in Shatabhisha but I thought his quote by him really explained things

The real danger of Nodal influence is the indifference and apathy that its natives experience. But Nodal influence is such that you have no place in reality, you exist in the shadows, you live behind the curtain, when your whole life is one long tunnel its hard to "care" or be immersed enough to fully take in their feelings. Nodal natives experience emotional impermanence which means that if you do not actively see proof of or feel a particular emotion, you believe it does not exist. they have to consistently see "proof" of your love for them to believe you. they seldom believe that the feelings others have for them are "real". they think they are the only constant in their life.

its hard for these natives to be passive and consume something without interacting with it. Moon dominants thrive in passivity whereas Rahuvians need to become one with that thing to truly experience it. Ketu also craves this sort of complete union but its different since Ketu pulls you into themselves whereas Rahu wants to pull themselves into you.

Nodal influence creates natives with a very nebulous self-perception and identity. They do not know who they are, they are a mystery even to themselves. Do you ever talk to a guy and think that he has no personality because its hard for him to list favourites or describe what he likes or dislikes etc? He probably has Ketuvian influence. Ketu people try on new aesthetics/personalities like its a makeover game, for a couple of months they'll have a hippie phase, now they're emo, later they're into retro glam or whatever. they like to try on different personas to see which one they like the best, i know this sounds kind of creepy?? but its truly because Ketu natives lack identity and rely on external things to give them a sense of self. This is why they're very uninvolved in the lives of others. They cannot give themselves too much because they dont know enough about themselves to "give" to others.

In vedic mythology, at the beginning of time when the devas and asuras churned the ocean of milk to extract from it the amrita (the elixir of immortality) Mohini, the female avatar of Vishnu, started distributing amrita to the devas. However, one of the asuras, Svarbhanu, sat in the row of devas and drank the amrita. Surya and Chandra noticed him and they informed Mohini; however, by that time, Svarbhanu had already become immortal. Vishnu, as Mohini, cut off Svarbhanu's head with his discus. Svarbhanu, henceforth referred to as Rahu and Ketu, could not die, but his head was separated from his body; his head came to be known as Rahu, while his body came to be known as Ketu. 

Pertaining to this origin story, I have noticed how people with Nodal influence seldom benefit from "nourishing energy". This could mean they were neglected as children, lacked a good family environment, were abused or taken advantage of by others in their life (all of this is also subject to other placements in ones chart). Svarbhanu was a demon who temporarily became immortal because of a mistake. Like I mentioned with fame and success before, these natives struggle to "maintain" what they achieve, especially because their early lives were marked with deprivation of some sort. This could also mean absent parent figures. But there is a sense of "you shouldn't have been where you were".

Rahu energy manifests often as a very manic hyperactive energy

Ranveer Singh is the best example I could think of. He is known in the media for being an eccentric, hyperactive, loud cokehead lmao

He has Ardra Sun, Shatabhisha Moon

Ketu energy is more detached, more reserved, still weird and chaotic but overall less "hyper"

This interview with Lady Gaga is a good example, usually the people being interviewed are walking or moving around and trying to pretend its not scripted but she just sat there for the whole thing lol

Gaga has both Rahu & Ketu influence

She has Rahu in Ashwini in 1h as well as Swati Moon conjunct Ketu

i know i said last time ill make a post about the positive manifestations of nodal influence but its gonna have to wait a little longer 😬😬these are just some things i observed and i thought i should share them. hope this was informative.

[tirsynni]

So for the longest time, I refused to think of the original Hyrule Warriors as canon. It was a fun little hack-and-slash side bit and I adore Link with his blue scarf, but I didn't actually add it to my mental timeline when it came to the LoZ games.

Then I made the mistake of thinking too much about the game and its implications on the overall timeline, especially the implications regarding the Spirit of the Hero. Stay with me on this. (Yes, it is once again time for me to put far too much thought into video games, because why not?)

Arguably, the Spirit of the Hero became entangled with everything due to Demise's Curse in Skyward Sword: "Those like you... Those who share the blood of the goddess and the spirit of the hero... They are eternally bound to this curse. An incarnation of my hatred shall ever follow your kind, dooming them to wander a blood-soaked sea of darkness for all time!" Thus the Cycle of Hatred is introduced.

In dissecting it a bit, it shows three permanent players: an incarnation of Demise's hatred, the Goddess's bloodline (note not Hylia herself, but her bloodline) and the spirit of the hero (note in contrast to the previous line, not the hero's bloodline, but the "spirit of the hero"). So we have an incarnation of a demon god's hate, a divine bloodline, and... some dude. Sorry, Link. You really got the short end of the stick here.

Obviously, he's not just "some dude," but he is a mortal tossed into an immortal war. Even as the Goddess's bloodline is mortal, they forever hold divinity within them, descended directly from divinity. Arguably, the Hero's Spirit holds some divinity itself through Hylia's blessing, arguably Farore's blessing, and playing emissary to multiple deities and powerful spirits through the games, but it relies on external sources instead of being inherent. The root of the Hero lies within the mortality of the Hero. That mortality probably provides a great deal of flexibility, as LoZ seems to follow along the popular concept that immortal beings are stuck to certain rules and mortals can go places and do things immortals can't. Biggest example is the Goddess Hylia needing a mortal Hero in the first place to fight Demise.

Okay, so where does Hyrule Warriors come into this? Because while the concept of the Spirit of the Hero comes up in multiple games, it's usually through inheritance, stepping into the role of the Hero, etc. When Cia comes into play, her target isn't the latest Hero: her target is the Spirit of the Hero itself. Not the concept. Not the implications of the role. The identity of the Spirit of the Hero. She didn't look at Link in HW and become obsessed with him: she became obsessed with him specifically because he possessed the Spirit of the Hero. It changes things a bit when looking at his character in the game.

First, there's the question of what awakens the Spirit of the Hero. In the other games, there's a great evil on the horizon -- the incarnation of Demise's hatred, which doesn't necessarily mean Demise or even Ganondorf but the awakening of an evil influenced somehow by Demise's hatred -- which leads to a Hero being born. Evil stirs, the Hero is born, Evil acts, the Hero awakens to their destiny. In the case of HW, though, the only reason Cia attacks that era is because there was a Hero present. So what sparked the birth of this Hero? If this Link wasn't born, then Cia would have targeted another Hero. Considering she was interested in the Spirit, not the person, I don't think age would have been a factor, so any of the other Heroes would be open targets. Cia didn't need to go after an awakened Hero, though. Instead, this specific Hero was born (looking remarkably like the Hero from the SS comic with his pretty scarf and such) and becomes Cia's target. So does more than the curse cause the birth of a Hero? If so, was this particular Link set up as a target? Or are the Heroes set up with specific destinies? Just Like OoT!Link is connected with Ganondorf and Majora, was this Link's soul somehow connected to Cia's? How does it work?

Which leads to the next issue: the challenges and pros inherent to mortality. In most cases, the Heroes have a choice in their destiny. Can they be pushed? Guilted? Strongly encouraged? Yes. However, in the games, one of the first things you do is choose to pick up the sword. You pick up the weapon. You start on your path. Link in almost every other scenario gets to go, "I want to save these people. I want to save the princess. I want to save Hyrule." In HW, while Link has the option to choose to fight or not, he would be targeted by Cia regardless because he was born with the Spirit of the Hero. He does choose to become a Knight and fight, though, which awakens the Triforce and puts him right in Cia's path. Pro to mortality: freedom of choice. HW-specific con: even with that freedom, being born with the Spirit put a bullseye on Link's back.

Another con of mortality, one presented in multiple games: the dangers of corruption. Link is a mortal, albeit a powerful mortal, who through his role as Hero regularly deals with divine objects. In most games, he deals with at least one piece of the Triforce and the Master Sword. The Triforce is not a symbol of good: it is a symbol of harmony: Power, Courage, and Wisdom in balance. If it had some sort of inherent morality, then someone like Demise reaching it wouldn't be such a big deal. Unfortunately, that's not the case. Link's Triforce is just insane power. Combine that with handling the powerhouse of the Master Sword, among all of the other things Link deals with, and you have a mortal who is dealing with one hell of a threat and burden. The Hero is repeatedly warned against falling to that darkness and has to fight against symbols of his darkness, ie, Dark or Shadow Link. This is a vulnerability most others won't have to deal with. He is a mortal struggling with the weight of immortal, powerful objects and needs to not lose himself to them.

Now combine that threat of corruption with the emphasis on the Spirit of the Hero which occurs in HW. With the other games, the threat is Link being corrupted. In HW, Cia's target is the Spirit of the Hero. Link's just the pretty package. If she succeeded, Link would be corrupted, but so would Cia's target: the Spirit of the Hero. There are a couple implications connected to that: what happens when you corrupt something as ancient and powerful as the Spirit of the Hero, something blessed by multiple spirits and deities and something literally older than Hyrule itself? Something which has the ability to turn the tide of battle against impossible odds? When no Hero arose once, the Goddesses responded by flooding the world. When Link slept(?) for a hundred years in BotW, no one, no matter their ability, was able to replace him. The Calamity remained unchallenged and untouched for that century, with even Zelda's powers limited to just holding the Calamity. That's a lot of power to corrupt... and that can also be one hell of a boon to Ganondorf. If not just Link but the Spirit was corrupted, how would that affect the Cycle of Hatred? Cia would have her obsession and the Spirit could not be incarnated into a new Hero to fight against Ganondorf. One hell of a win there... literally.

WW proved that if it came right down to it, a Hero could forcibly step up by fulfilling their own Hero's Journey. After all, even the initial Hero had to come from somewhere. But that would be an insane blow against Hyrule and the Royal Family. That would also be an insane amount of power available to Ganondorf. No opposition and all of the power inherent in a corrupted Spirit of the Hero. Oof.

If you view HW as canon with its focus on the Spirit of the Hero over the Hero himself, it does lead to some interesting questions regarding the role played by the Spirit, what happens if something happens to the Spirit, and the the lines between the Spirit and the Hero himself.

...hey, The Legend of Zelda and Philosophy book, why don't you focus on these questions instead of the stupid ones you went over? Bastards.

[vilandel]

The Scent Of Lavender

Chapter 2 – Journey of Lavender

A/N The journey is slowly going and our main pair has a first real talk... that goes deeper than what Nozel intended 💜

Ao3 link

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

“I’m going to DIE!!!”

“Come on, you overdramatic virgin delinquent, you are just seasick, that is no big deal.”

“No big deal? NO BIG DEAL? I’M DYING OVER HERE!!!”

“Given the strength of your voice currently, I highly doubt that you are dying right now. And you call yourself a Magic Knight?”

“Shut up, No-No! Why are you two so mean to me? I’m the one dying and you just throw shades at me? Talk about squadmates, you are worse than vice-captain Nacht and his horrible claims about our squad!”

“You have to admit that vice-captain Nacht doesn’t lie, as harsh as his words is,” Noelle replied with shrug.

“No, he is lying! He says that captain Yami is irresponsible with his grimoire!”

“Well, he is. Who in their right mind gambles their own grimoires, risking to lose them?”

“Real men do!”

“Reason more why men are stupid. The Blue Roses aren’t so wrong, after all.”

“Who are you calling stupid, you jerky majesty? Argh, I’m going to… can’t the waves just stop?”

“If the waves stop, the ship won’t be able to move forward and you’ll be stuck on it for longer. And of course I’m calling you stupid, I’m royalty.”

“What fricking logic is that even?”

Vanessa giggled at the argument of her squadmates. Poor Magna certainly regrets by now that he asked them to keep him company. For some reason, he thought that the butler of captain Rill would be a pain in the ass for him. Magna logic.

But Vanessa was now certain that Magna would actually prefer the butler as a travelling companion. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing, dear old Walt would be the one spending the most time with him once they arrived at Lavender Island. Which would be in three or four days from now on, after their departure the day before.

It was strange that they hadn’t brought any spatial mages with them, though. They would have been there in no time. But apparently, any spatial mage known never set any foot on Lavender Island and for some reason, there were no Magic Knight stationed there permanently. Noelle of course pretended that it was because nobles there were full of themselves. But Noelle had a tendency to jump to the worst assumptions.

Vanessa was certain that if no Magic Knights were stationed on Lavender Island, it must been because everything was fine. Heck, maybe the nobles there were more open-minded and even kinder than on the mainland.

Plus, three weddings at once? That was so romantic.

Vanessa was certain that this mission was the best kind she ever had. It was really more like a vacation than a mission. Okay, it was sadly not a family vacation, since it wasn’t the entire Black Bull squad being sent. But well, they had the opportunity to work with people from other squads, to make new friends and this wasn’t something Vanessa dared to complain about.

Captain Rill was certainly a cutie, his butler seemed so caring and Mimosa Vermillion was just one of the most kind person Vanessa knew. That would be a piece of cake going along with them.

Captain Nozel was of course another level, more difficult to reach and there was the whole painful past with Noelle. But for Vanessa, it sounded more like a challenge. After all, there might be more about him than just a cold asshole. Him trying to mend his relationship with Noelle shows that he certainly had a heart.

Vanessa still wondered what could had happen to him that he ended up as cold jerk. Maybe she was overthinking it, but she didn’t had the impression that captain Nozel was enjoying being a jerk. Maybe a protection of some sort?

Protection from what, exactly?

Well, it wasn’t like this vacation mission was the perfect opportunity to learn more about him. Not to mention that he was handsome, which was really motivating for Vanessa.

Although, after she accidentally flirted with him when he caught her stumbling… the approach would be a bit difficult. Captain Nozel was related to Noelle, surely there has to be some sibling similarities and if awkward at taking compliments was one of them, he might trying to avoid her. It wasn’t like Vanessa didn’t felt embarrassed about it. She did and gosh, it never happened to her ever before to be embarrassed about her flirting and teasing. What a dumb first.

Not to mention that yesterday, Noelle scolded her for half an hour after Vanessa accidentally flirted with her brother. Okay, it was just Noelle overreacting like she did, but still, her squadmate make it sound like she just killed someone or something like that. Were Silvas really that bad at anything positive?

Magnas grunting brought Vanessa back to reality and away from that handsome yet cold man that was the captain of the Silver Eagles.

“I should’ve asked that stupid butler to keep me company. Or the captain of the Aqua Deers, even though he probably will take my plaster to paint on it. Or the sweet Golden Dawn girl, she seems nice and she is always in a good mood, plus she is a healer. Speaks A LOT for your cousin, Noelle. Heck, even the jerk captain of the Silver Eagles might be better company than you two!”

“That is not a kind thing to say to your squadmates, poor little virgin delinquent. Really, you’re in a bad mood when you’re seasick. And dealing with a wounded leg. Gosh, it’s both, no wonder you’re such in a bad mood!”

“Shut up, you wino!”

Well, if that didn’t proved Vanessas point, then what would it be? But honestly, Magna was really unhappy to be in this rest position. And the fact that he wasn’t on the mission. And probably because he couldn’t fly on his special broom in this condition. Vanessa actually hoped that taking the Crazy Cyclone with them would make Magna a bit happier. But well, if he can’t fly on it… But at least he would spent some of his time to take care of his broom instead of letting someone else doing it.

Hopefully Magna would realize it soon.

“Honestly, Magna, I have the feeling you’re just complaining for the sake of it,” Noelle sighed dramatically, trying to focus on her book. “Your situation isn’t that bad at all. Not the thriving adventures, training and gambling you have daily, but given your condition, you’re rather in a good place. Don’t tell me you would have preferred to have Luck trying to fight you every minute? Think of your leg, last time it happened, you couldn’t use it properly for a month!”

“Don’t remind me of that! I’m sure Owen just was overdramatic, it only took a month because… because Luck was being a jerk, that’s why!”

“It is better than losing your leg forever, if you ask me.”

The three Black Bulls turned their heads towards the door of Magnas cabin, only to see Mimosa in the frame, a teapot and a hot mug in her hands.

“Oh, sorry I didn’t knock, but my hands are rather full, so…”

Vanessa immediately stood up and guided the young Vermillion into the cabin. “Oh, it’s okay, come in, love. The more the merrier, am I right? Oh, is that tea?”

“Yes, for sir Magna. It’s a good herbal tea that would help for his leg. The waves and sea wind can be rather tricky. I put some honey in it, if it’s okay.”

“Of course it is! How kind of you! Magna, don’t be a jerk and accept this delicious tea.”

Oh, was Magna actually blushing? How cute! Well, Mimosa Vermillion was a pretty girl, but maybe it was just the kindness she was showing. Which also meant for him that he couldn’t get mad at her, unlike with Noelle and Vanessa.

Magna just grunted as he took a sip from the mug. Only to have his eyes brighten up the very same moment.

“Hey, this is actually pretty good! Thank you, Noelles cousin!”

“Magna, where are your manners? My cousin’s name is Mimosa! You should know that by now, it’s not like Asta never talks about her after he visits his rival… I mean, not that it matters to me at all!”

Vanessa frowned. Why did Noelle sounded kinda jealous right there?

“You’re very welcome, sir Magna.”

“Magna is just fine.”

“Okay, if you wish so. Asta told me a lot about you, he has you in very high esteem.”

Oh, did Mimosa just blushed right there? Yes, she did and even got a cute little smile on her face!

Vanessa started to understand. Mimosa certainly had a crush on Asta as well. Couldn’t blame that dear girl for that, honestly. Vanessa couldn’t tell though if Noelle was aware about her cousins crush on Asta or if she was just jealous that another girl was close to Asta. In any case, she wouldn’t admit it, obviously.

Well, that was some news. They weren’t even arrived at Lavender Island yet and she already learned something juicy. Vanessa was now almost disappointed that Asta wasn’t part of the mission, so she could have witness this sweet love drama in its full glory. But for the sake of those two princesses, maybe it was for the better.

Asta was a sweet lad, but so terribly dense and oblivious that sometimes even Vanessa was fed up with it. If he hadn’t realized Noelles feelings so far, it was only fair to assume that he also didn’t realized Mimosas as well.

What a situation, really. Logically, Vanessa was more close to Noelle, so she should maybe cheer for her squadmate more. But Mimosa was also such a sweet girl and she definitely appreciated Astas qualities, which was a huge plus point in Vanessas eyes. Happiness was something she deserved. And in the end, once he got a hold of his density, wouldn’t it be Astas choice? Be it Noelle, Mimosa or maybe someone else entirely?

That thought made Vanessa blink for a second. How strange. For as long as she knew the Black Bulls rookies, she always took for granted that Noelle and Asta would end up together one day. It seemed just the normal course of action in her eyes. But now that she learned that Mimosa Vermillion was also having feelings for Asta, she actually considered the possibility that Asta might fall for someone else…

Well, as exciting as it was, Vanessa hoped that it won’t end up tragically. It was fair to assume that both Noelle and Mimosa loved Asta enough that they would support each other, if he would choose one of them or someone else, that they would be happy for him. And Vanessa would certainly not try to sabotage any relationship just so Noelle can get with him. She often read some stupid romance novels were the love interest ended up with someone else first and the main character tried to sabotage that relationship, often with the help of friends. In the name of “true love” and because “it was meant to be”, some shit like that. Vanessa always hated this kind of plots and she refused to become that type of person. Even for her squadmates.

Even for herself… After all, since the jealousy towards captain Charlotte just wouldn’t come at this point…

Oh no, dangerous territory here, a slippery edge it was the best to ignore and drown in wine. But as Vanessa wanted to take another sip, she had to realized that her bottle was empty.

“Oopsie! Empty bottle. Don’t mind me, you little ones, I’ll just get another one and I’ll be right back.”

“Vanessa, you shouldn’t. This is already your fourth bottle today.”

Vanessa fought the urge to roll her eyes. She loved Noelle dearly, but that constant worry about her drinking habits was sometimes really annoying. After all, her royal squadmate had the tendency to overreact.

“Noelle, sweetie, I’m really holding back. Normally, I would be at my eighth bottle at this point.”

“And what about those you drink in secret?”

Shoot, how did she know? Or maybe she was just bluffing.

“Don’t worry about it, I got this under control. Don’t forget, I’m an expert at magic control, that counts for drinking as well.”

Vanessa left the room before Noelle could protest. Thankfully, neither Mimosa nor Magna noticed it, Magna would have argued again with Noelle and Mimosa probably would have been worried too, as the healer she was.

As Vanessa closed the door, she heard Magna laughing, while Mimosa told something funny about Finrals jerk of a brother. Well, the bonding was already promising for this vacation. There was nothing to be worried about in her books.

If it worked with Mimosa, it would certainly work as well with the two captains of their team. Maybe it needed more effort with Noelles handsome brother. Especially after the accidental flirt yesterday. Gosh, this was really embarassing. But what would life be without some little challenges here and there?

But first things first, a new bottle of wine. So, where was the kitchen of this ship again? With the cabins or below or above? Ships were rather like labyrinths for Vanessa and she lived in the maze that was the Black Bulls Hideout. But to be fair, she had never been on a ship before, no wonder it was easy to get lost.

“Ah, screw it, I’ll just ask a sailor to show me, let’s go on deck.”

Sadly, she didn’t saw any sailor on the deck, except for one who was behind that strange wooden wheel that was apparently leading the ship. Vanessa didn’t know what it was called and how it worked, but he looked certainly like he was on duty. So, better not asking him to show her the ships kitchen.

The only two other people present were the captains of the Aqua Deers and the Silver Eagles.

Uh, captain business?

Gosh, seeing them together like this, so different in so many ways, it was actually hard to believe that both of them were captains.

Not to mention that they were both so different as well from captain Yami… and captain Charlotte…

Dangerous territory, Vanessa. Don’t think about it.

Why did that thought sounded like she was trying to convince herself?

To distract her, Vanessa started to observe captain Nozel in particular.

Like yesterday, she was taken aback that she never realized how handsome this man was. Okay, she knew that he was handsome, but what she never noticed before was how fine-looking he was.

His profile was something else, it looked sharp and at the same time, there was a softness within, making him elegant. That jawline was probably the most mesmerizing one she ever saw and she had been in awe of Yamis jawline for long. His hair looked spiky, but Vanessa was ready to bet that it only looked that way. The shining of it was the same as Noelles and her young squadmate had quite the silky hair. Maybe his hair was silky too, just fuller? It had to be fuller than Noelles, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to make such an iconic braid out of his bangs.

Speaking of, it was astounding how such a hairstyle looked so good on him. Not ridiculous at all. Vanessa didn’t know how the captain of the Silver Eagles could pull it off, but he did. It was somehow fitting, as it did give him an eagle look. Was it on purpose or just a coincidence?

The beginning sunset bathed him in some pale golden light, only accenting his beauty. He was still looking cold and distance, yet the golden light somehow made it look as it was just a mask, as there was more behind. She saw the metallic lilac of his eyes, such a rare and mesmerizing shade. Vanessa did wonder if under a certain light, maybe his eyes would have more a lavender shade.

In this moment, it was almost the case…

Captain Nozel seemed to have finished to talk about whatever it was with captain Rill, as he walked away from his colleague. Vanessa was taken aback about how elegantly he was walking. Why haven’t she never realized it before? Granted, she never had much to do with him or Silver Eagles in general. But still…

His march seemed so focused, his aura was still cold. Yet, when he walked on the deck, his Silver Eagle robe slightly floating behind him, his expression serious, his lilac eyes clearly hiding more than they were showing, he looked more than just royal in her eyes. He looked majestic…

Gosh, did she really just thought that? Damn… maybe Zora was right, maybe she could easily be distracted by a pretty face. Well, she could still admit that Nozel Silva was handsome, no need to interpret more. After all, he wasn’t her type. He wasn’t buff like captain Yami. Yet, looking at the captain of the Silver Eagles, Vanessa dared to think that while he wasn’t buff, he wasn’t a beanpole either, like captain Jack. She knew that you don’t need to be buff to have muscles. Maybe it was the case for Nozel Silva? He always wear a lot of layers, like his Silver Eagle robe and Vanessa knew from Noelles clothes that the Silva attires could be rather complicated and with multiple layers. Light ones, though. Maybe there were some muscles hiding under all those layers.

Lean, well-defined muscles… That seemed rather attractive. Maybe she should stop looking only at buff men?

Phew, her thoughts were running wild. Was this good or bad? Was it right to forget her crush on captain Yami? Maybe, since the jealousy just wouldn’t take her.

Oh no, slippery slope again. Why did it always come back to her mind?

Nozel nodded slightly as he passed her, but that was all. He didn’t even glanced at Vanessa. Well, at least he wasn’t ignoring her, like he might would have done before his apology to Noelle. Yet, Vanessa wouldn’t have blamed him if he would’ve ignored her. Given how she accidentally flirted with him yesterday.

Still, it was somehow rude, just a nod and nothing else. Good reminder actually that he was still a cold jerk. But a damn attractive one.

“Oh, hello Vanessa!”

Captain Rills voice took her away from his eye-catching colleague and he even waved at her. Vanessa waved back and went towards him. Why not bonding with him too? He was a kind and sweet lad. So different from Nozel Silva…

“So, what were you two captains talking about? Captain business? Some small-talk? Enjoying the view?”

“I was, but Nozel was more focused on the mission.”

“I wonder why, it’s an easy mission, feels more like a vacation to me.”

“Well, it’s about nobles and weddings, I guess it is especially important to not lose focus.”

Really, captain Rill as well? Vanessa couldn’t be the only one who saw no problem with those weddings and this mission.

But maybe the captain of the Aqua Deers only tried to act like his rank. After all, he was the youngest captain ever so far and all the other ones were quite older than him. She wondered how it was like during captain meetings.

“Is it really such a big deal, captain Rill? I mean, when it comes to nobles and weddings.”

“It is complicated to me for the most part and thankfully my mother never urged me so far to get married. But I know enough to not be blind about it.” He was still smiling, but his voice was more serious than it usually was. “Noble marriages aren’t really out of love, it’s more about deals, power, alliances between houses, money… oh, that is a rough draft, but it’s the basic idea. I can’t really explain to it in details. Maybe you should ask Nozel, he understands certainly more about this topic than I do. Plus, he is also Head of House, he has to deal with such things probably on a daily basis.”

Vanessa frowned. Again this urban legend about loveless weddings and nobility. She just couldn’t believe that it was true, as it didn’t make any sense at all. At least to her, plus Noelle and Finral always have the tendency to exaggerate.

But captain Rills statement… and the fact that it was the first time someone outside of the Black Bulls talked about that topic…

“Maybe the nobles on the island are more open-minded about marriages than on the mainland,” Vanessa said slowly.

“Or maybe they are even more traditionalist because they live on an island.”

Well, she didn’t expected that statement. Why did it gave her a bad feeling about the whole mission?

“Captain Nozel knows more, you say?”

“I think so. I don’t think he likes it, he sometimes makes a face about nobles when he think no one is looking. Did I made a drawing of that face once? I certainly should. But yes, it’s only logical that as a Head of House, he knows more about it. If you wanna know more about nobles and their strange world, he is certainly your best shot right now.”

Maybe… But was it necessary? Vanessa was never really interested to know more about nobles and their world. It was too far away from her reach and since most of them never cared for the likes of the Black Bulls, why bother?

But somehow…

Was Noelle right? And Finral and some others, even captain Rill? Was it important to know more about nobility sometimes?

💜💜

“You are kind-hearted, Nozel… thank you…”

He could have sworn that his mother was smiling. But why would she? She was in pain, she had no reason to smile.

Nozel hold her hand a bit tighter. Fighting the tears in his eyes.

Was it just him or did her hand felt colder all of a sudden?

Maybe he should tell the servants to make some fire, his mother shouldn’t be cold in her condition.

But just as he stood up, her hand fell back on the blanket.

Lifeless…

“Mother?”

Acier Silva was still lying, her head a bit to the side were Nozel had been crouching, holding her hand. Her eyes were closed, her hair across the pillows looked like silver ink and she was actually smiling.

Does that mean that she was better? Was there still hope? It has to be, since she was smiling!

“Mother?”

Nozel put a hand against her cheek. It was cold…

And she wasn’t moving.

She wasn’t moving!

“Mother?”

There was no breathing… No, it was probably there, just very faint, not to be heard. Normal in her condition.

But as Nozel felt her pulse and her heartbeat, there was nothing but cold.

“Mama?”

Nozel hated how stammering his voice sounded now. He shouldn’t show any weakness. Mother counted on him and he was the only one who knew about this horrible curse. If not him, who else would be able to support her.

He shook her shoulders, softly first, then a bit more firmly. But Acier Silva, captain of the Silver Eagles and the Dancing of the Battlefield, didn’t moved.

“Mama…”

She can’t be dead, right? They wouldn’t let evil win, they were stronger than that. But she wasn’t moving.

Nozel couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, still denying the horrible fact as he fell on his knees, taking her hand again and looking at the smiling face of his mother. She was smiling, but it was cold.

Calling her, but she was gone… as well as his childhood.

“MAMA!”

Nozel woke up, sweating and panting, despite not feeling hot and wearing only his pyjama pants. As he looked around, he realized that he was not in his mother’s chamber on that fateful day, but in his cabin on the ship. Sailing to Lavender Island.

Just a nightmare. A memory.

They were always the same.

Nozel tried his best to calm his breathing. He should be focused, he was on a mission. Even worse, a mission involving nobles and weddings. This wasn’t the time to show any weakness. Neither in front of nobles nor of his companions.

One of them was Noelle…

He sighed deeply as he fell back on the pillow. On one hand, he was happy that his sister was also part on this mission. Of course, it wasn’t the first time that they got to be part of the same team, as they had been both part of the Royal Knights. But this had been before of his apology and before they started to mend their relationship.

Before he made amends…

And this was the reason why, on the other hand, he felt like it might be overwhelming for her. Nozel already felt so nervous about it, so how nervous could Noelle be, who suffered a lot because of his mistakes? Was it a good idea to be on the same team, on the same mission, for a rather long period of time?

Maybe he shouldn’t have accepted to go on this mission. But to be fair, Nozel accepted to take it before Yami even decided to send Noelle. Nozel wondered if he would have refused to go if he had knew beforehand his baby sister would be chosen to be sent on Lavender Island. And his own answer balanced between “yes” or “no idea”, but never to “no”. Wasn’t this the proof that he wasn’t a good man and never would be? That he was such selfish scumbag?

Nozel knew that he would never be able to make up for all the mistakes he did, that nothing he would ever do could make someone good out of him.

Yet, why was he still trying to reach to Noelle, to atone for what he did, when it was useless anyway?

Nozel couldn’t answer that. Maybe he didn’t wanted to, but he couldn’t see a reason for trying that wasn’t selfish.

Besides, he knew very well why he accepted this mission. It was because Lavender Island was the place his mother spent her honeymoon.

With his father… but Nozel refused to even think about him.

No, all he could think about was that his mother apparently loved to spent time there, on Lavender Island. If she had lived, she certainly would have brought all four them there. She had always loved to take him and his siblings on vacation, whenever she had some days off, which didn’t happened often.

Nozel didn’t understood even why this reason motivated him so much to go on this mission. His mind wasn’t even that much focused on the task ahead, but more about seeing a place that meant a lot his mother.

Even though, like everything related to the wonderful Acier Silva, it put a sharp dagger through his heart. It opened a wound that never had been close since he was fourteen years old.

For so long, Nozel had been afraid to focus for too long on anything that was somehow related to his mother. It always hurt too much and more importantly, he didn’t deserve it to have those memories without pain.

Yet, lately, ever since Spade, he seem to remember more often, willingly. The pain was still too much to bare, yet Nozel couldn’t stop it.

Having lost his curse must have made him mad in a way. He was so used to have it that not having it anymore felt… wrong. Now wonder he was going mad, if not having a horrible thing made him felt mad.

Nozel touched his neck, there were the curse mark used to be was now just a subtle scar, barely seen or felt. Making the golden chocker he still wore useless, but he put it on anyway. A good person would have abandoned it.

But that wasn’t him.

It would never be him.

He couldn’t go back to sleep. Not with those thoughts. Maybe he should walk around and come back, it sometimes helped him to fell asleep again.

Nozel wondered if he should try to ignore all those thoughts or rather dwell on them. Both options seemed appalling, though.

As he stood up, his eyes fell onto the office desk of his cabin. It was quite the ingenious invention, as it was anchored to the wall and on the floor, making it impossible to move, even during a thunderstorm. Same as the bed and any other furniture.

It wasn’t much anyway, but Nozel didn’t mind that much. This cabin, despite being smaller, actually had more furniture than his chambers back at the palace.

But his eyes fell on the books that were on it. Six, actually.

Three were his own. It was a long time since he read those stories and it felt a bit wrong to bring something on a mission that had nothing to do with it. But somehow, Nozel thought that maybe he could. Noelle did it as well, after all.

The Rose Crown, Fawkes & Geneviève, Lullaby of the Maiden…

It was just stories from old medieval times, when there was no Magic Knight squads and Wizard King. Stories of courteous love, of knights and fair ladies, tragedies, of only loving from afar.

If he ever would fall in love – as if that would happen to a man like him – Nozel always assumed that it would be this way. Only from afar, as pure as it could be. But never happy.

The other three books were more recent, had happy endings and were also about love. But despite that, it still hurt. Not only because he would never know that, but also because… those were some of his mother’s favourite novels.

Pride & Prejudice, Persuasion, Sense & Sensibility…

Why did he brought those books with him? Was it because he would go to a place his mother loved?

Well, Nozel didn’t want to read anyway.

After putting his sandals on, he made his bed and left his cabin. The ship was still moving, subtle only, as a mother rocked a baby.

Mother…

Nozel started to walk along the hallway. As silently as he could, to not wake up the others.

But apparently, it wasn’t good enough. A door to another cabin opened.

And the Black Bull witch came out.

Nozel froze. Why did it had to be her? As if it was already not enough that she certainly hated him because of what happened to Noelle and wouldn’t want anything to do with him? No, just yesterday, she stumbled as she came on the ship, he had to catch her… and she actually dared to flirt with him, in front of everyone, before realizing it was him!

Nozel wondered if she was as embarrassed as he was. But no, she was known as the Drunk Witch and given Noelles stories during her visits, that woman might have completely banned embarrassment from her personal dictionary.

The witch looked up and gasped a bit as she saw him. Nozel quickly looked away because… she barely was wearing something. Just her underwear! Was that even normal, even for a Black Bull? Not to mention that those pieces of fabric could barely be qualified as underwear, as they barely even covered…

Why did he looked back? Nozel turned his eyes again. She must think he was some kind of open pervert that only objectified women. As if she hadn’t already a horrible opinion about him.

He had to admit that, objectively speaking of course, she was quite beautiful. Much more than many noble ladies that always tried to woo him. Her porcelain skin, those long eyelashes, her elegant arms and legs, that swan like neck, her eyes, that wavy hair and that special shade of pink… what was it called, rosewood?

Oh no, he didn’t realized that he was staring again! What was wrong with him? Was this whole mission a big mistake, as he took decision he never would have made before? Like indulging anything related to his mother?

And the pain came back…

For a moment, Nozel had the impression that something in her eyes softened. But that was his mind playing tricks on him. Why would she ever soften her glance at him? He hurt Noelle who her squadmate.

“Bad dream, huh?”

“Is there any other kind?”

Nozel hated that he said that out loud. As true as it was for him, it was still a weakness and he shouldn’t show any weakness. Especially in front of someone who of course didn’t like him, might even despise him.

And who had good reasons for that.

“Wanna come in? That kind old sailor cook made me some and it’s always a good thing against bad dreams.”

Nozel looked up, shocked by her proposition. Why was she nice to him? Didn’t she resent him? She should, right? She had no reason to offer him something as delicious as hot chocolate.

And… why did she reminded him of his mother? Acier also swore that nothing was better against nightmares than hot chocolate.

“Cat got your tongue? Don’t tell me you dislike hot chocolate, handsome. Noelle always needs at least three big bowls of cocoa each morning. Don’t tell me she is the only one the family, that sweettooth must be in the genes.”

Now, her tone was flirty again. Was it to tease him? A subtle undertone to show that she disliked him? Some noble ladies who tried to woo him sometimes used that tone with him, Nozel neither was blind nor deaf.

But somehow, it still felt different…

Again, his imagination. Just his imagination.

But the witch was also one of Noelles squadmates and probably a better sibling he would ever be, no matter how hard he tried. If he wanted to be on better terms with his sister, then being polite with her squadmates maybe would be helpful.

“Only one cup, then.”

He might be polite, but he didn’t want to stay for too long. It was already unfitting for him to enter a woman’s chamber, even though she invited him. Nozel already so much dignity with all the mistakes he made, he could at least try to hold the last bit of respect that wasn’t in the mud.

The witch smiled – why? – and waved him in. As he entered, Nozel saw that her cabin wasn’t different from his, except that it was fuller and completely in disorder. It almost looked like Nebras bedroom, either at the palace or back at the base of the Silver Eagles. And Nozel thought no one could top Nebras shambolic nature.

It was strange. There was some familiar feeling in this chaos, even though it wasn’t Nebras. And it wasn’t back home at the palace.

Although… The Silva Palace stopped to be his home from the day his mother died. It was just the place he lived, but not home.

Another pang of familiar guilt went through his heart.

In the meantime, the witch filled two little cups with hot chocolate and handed one to him. Nozel took it, careful to not show his hesitation. He still had no idea if the witch was just trying to be polite or if there was something he should be cautious about. She was a Black Bull and certainly knew about Noelles past. She had reasons to hate him and maybe thought that Noelle needed to be avenged.

And Nozel wouldn’t even blame her. Wasn’t it normal to want to avenge people you loved and that had been wronged? He himself wanted to take revenge on Megicula for his mother. Why wouldn’t the Black Bull witch taking revenge on Noelles behalf?

And yet still… Nozel couldn’t feel anything out of the ordinary, anything that would have woken up his suspicions.

“Not quite the talker, aren’t you, sugar?” the witch giggled while taking a sip.

“Not really.”

“Small talk isn’t the worst, you know?”

“Small talk is what nobles use if they hope to gain something on the subtle way from a royal, especially a Head of House. I had to deal with those kind of people my entire life since I was fifteen… So, I have yet to find something positive about small talks.”

The disgust must have been quite obvious in his voice. The witch frowned and looked closely at him. He felt like his mask was falling. And he couldn’t have that.

“You don’t like nobles.”

Well, what an understatement.

“You know, for long I thought that only the kind commoners, peasants and some misfits like us Black Bulls would dislike nobility. But not only, as I found out. If even a royal like you, who isn’t a black sheep like Noelle and who is actually a Head of House, doesn’t like nobles, I really wonder why nobility still exists.”

Good question. But it wasn’t as easy as that.

“It’s… complicated.”

“That’s an easy way to not handle things going wrong.”

“Sometimes… but sometimes, it is not an excuse. It is really complicated. I am… myself struggling with it. But I’m not the only one. It is difficult to understand for many and a lot of nobles… add to the problem. They love power and a lot just want more of it. It’s simply put, but it’s the basic image.”

“Why not getting rid of nobility and any status altogether?”

“If it was that easy, it would already be done a long time ago.”

Nozel refused say more. The witch clearly didn’t care about nobles and how that corrupt world worked. If her idea was to simply get rid of it, she clearly was naïve. Which was stupid and not a good thing to be as a Magic Knight.

Yet, Nozel envied her a bit for her naivety. He had it as well when he was a child. But he lost it when his mother died.

And he lost every right of childlike joy when he started his unforgivable mistakes…

The witch must have noticed something shifting within him, as she put a hand on his bare shoulder. Nozel flinched at the touch. It was cold, yet not disagreeable. And her skin felt like silk…

But his flinch made her back away.

“Sorry, didn’t meant to startle you. But I think that since you don’t like nobles, maybe you shouldn’t have come to this mission.”

“The Wizard King asked me to come.”

“Well, I don’t think he would have mind you saying no.”

“I’m a captain. I can’t just say no when it fits me.”

“Yami does it all the time.”

“I’m not Yami.”

Nozel really hoped his tone hasn’t been to harsh. He knew how much the Black Bulls cared for the foreigner and they had good reasons for it. They went all to Spade in order to save their captain. Certainly the witch wouldn’t like if someone talks about Yami Sukehiro in a negative tone.

He didn’t like Yami, but he would be stupid to not respect him.

“Do you maybe have another reason to go on this mission?”

How did she know? Was her drunk reputation just a mask and she was actually terribly observant?

Nozel did the mistake again to look at her without his usual mask. And the witch dared to roll her eyes.

“It’s simple logic, darling. It visibly bothers you to go on that mission, yet you’re still going. You certainly have another reason than the mission. Nothing wrong with that, I don’t think you should be ashamed about it.

He wasn’t ashamed! Not really, but…

“It was the place my mother spent her honeymoon.”

“Oh.”

She sounded like she understood. Why?

“Does Noelle know?”

“Not yet…”

“You should tell her. Don’t you think you owe her that?”

“I know!”

He saw the witch flinch and he immediately regretted to have yelled. He didn’t want to yell, but he hated being remembered from others that he owed Noelle. He knew that better than anyone else. He owed his little sister more than could fit in the rest of his life and it would never be enough.

“I’m apologize for the yelling, miss Enoteca.”

“Please, handsome, you can call me just Vanessa.”

“Miss Vanessa… I know I owe Noelle this. But… Noelle looks so much like our mother and it is one of the pathetic reason that had lead me to do all those my mistakes towards her. I know that she deserves to know more about our mother. But Noelle is also her own person and after being practically in the shadow of a woman she never knew… it had hurt her. And I’ll do anything, anything… that it won’t hurt her again. I just… don’t know how to do it.”

Nozel hadn’t meant to tell the witch all of that. It was a bad idea, especially in front of someone who disliked him. It would sound to her like he was trying to find excuses. But that wasn’t it.

But who would believe that?

Still, it had felt… right to tell it to someone. To open his heart, even just a bit. He didn’t deserve it, of course. Yet it still felt it needed to get out. How strange.

Was he really getting unable to carry his burden anymore?

“Handsome… have you ever been able to grieve?”

Her voice didn’t sound any kind of upset or not believing him. Not even unkind. It sounded… like she was surprised, taken aback, maybe a bit sorry.

Hopefully it wasn’t pity. Nozel had never been able to handle pity.

And compassion had never been given, at least he never saw it.

“Tell me, miss Vanessa…”

“Just Vanessa is fine.”

“When… when a child, not even old enough to have a grimoire, lost a loving a parent… and is left alone to take care of the other siblings, unable to properly grieve and placed in a position to big for someone that age… What should be done?”

Nozel didn’t even know why he asked. After so many years, he hadn’t questioned why he didn’t got help. But…

All of a sudden, he remembered how he had asked himself this question when mother died. And he never get an answer. Was there even one?

The witch seemed to think a bit before answering, “Well, that child certainly shouldn’t be left alone. At least one adult should be there to support said child and the younger siblings, to help all of them dealing with the loss.”

“And… when no adult was there? When no adult helped?”

“That would be so cruel to leave a child alone with a task too big for that age. Left alone, that poor child might make mistakes and be screwed growing up, not to mention the younger siblings. But which adult would leave a child alone in that situation.”

Nozel didn’t answer. He just look at the witch. Not even trying to hold his usual mask. He didn’t had the strength anymore for it. Not tonight at least. He really was getting weak.

He saw confusion on the witch’s face at first, then the slow realization. His heart break for some reason at the sight… Was it right to have told her that much already? And why was his heart breaking when it wasn’t even whole in the first place?

Nozel felt like he was losing himself. Again…

“Wait… don’t tell me… that child is you? No one helped you? Why?”

He didn’t answer. After all, he didn’t had the answer himself. Except that he wasn’t a good person, but somehow, it sounded so… wrong?

The witch looked like she wanted to hug him, but thankfully she didn’t. Pity wasn’t something he wanted to get.

Instead, she put her cup back on the table and put a hand on his shoulder. This time, Nozel didn’t flinch. He couldn’t look at her either. It was wrong that he told her all of that. But it didn’t felt like it…

“You shouldn’t had been left alone back then…”

Nozel didn’t cry. He couldn’t. But her genuine kindness, despite her obviously disliking him, was enough to let at least one single tear fell from his eyes.

Vanessa went silent, but her presence was somehow doing more than his guilt…

[contreparry]

Hello!!! Happy Friday! From the summertime prompts, can you do "Fireflies and Cicadas"

Here's some female!Trevelyan and her niece for @dadrunkwriting!

Skyhold was unlike any place Henrietta had ever been. The fortress perched on the mountain like a bird, sitting high and proud against the clear blue skies. The walls were similar to Ostwick's double walls- grey stone and high towers, common defensive measures- but the snow-capped mountains and pine forests weren't what she was used to. It was too high and cold for the trees Henrietta was used to seeing. It was too cold for much of what Henrietta was used to.

Not that that was a problem, of course! New things were exciting! She only wished... well... it was summer in Thedas, and Skyhold seemed to be stuck in a permanent chilly autumn. And she...

Well, perhaps Henrietta was a teensy, tiny bit homesick. Just a little! But the past two weeks had been a dream, really it had. Meeting Aunt Evelyn, seeing the world, having an adventure of her own- it was everything Henrietta dreamed of. And Aunt Evelyn was all that and more!

Aunt Evelyn felt like someone she had known for all of her life. In some ways Henrietta supposed she had. Aunt Evelyn was Father's sister, after all, and they were oddly similar. They shared the rounded chin, bold eyebrows, dark eyes, and tawny brown skin of the Trevelyan family, though they wore their inky black hair differently. And Aunt Evelyn was short- though Henrietta hardly noticed at first due to the way her aunt carried herself. Aunt Evelyn even spoke like Father, with a low, powerful voice and a firm manner. But then she'd spoil her solemn, stern Inquistor persona whenever she winked, smiled, or reached out and took Henrietta into a great hug that squeezed the air out of her lungs and made her ribs ache.

"Oh, my niece," she'd mumble into Henrietta's hair whenever she embraced her. "My darling niece." And every time Aunt Evelyn hugged her, Henrietta made sure to hug her back just as hard. It couldn't have been easy, being away from family. She needed hugs. Maybe Aunt Evelyn was as homesick as her?

She wouldn't be so homesick if it felt like summer, Henrietta thought idly as she looked out over the garden and the golden leaves hanging from the trees. It was summer in the rest of Thedas! She ought to be hearing the cicadas screeching through the air, ought to spy fireflies in the grass every evening, ought to feel the heat and humidity of a summer day the heralded an afternoon rainstorm- Maker's Breath, she'd even take dealing with mosquitos if it meant seeing one measly firefly!

Did they even have fireflies in the south?

"Now that is a glum look, Henrietta," Aunt Evelyn remarked lightly, a gentle sort of observation that Father never would have made. It would have been something like "What is the matter?" or "What did you do now?" But Aunt Evelyn observed. She spoke, she waited, and she didn't launch into questions that made Henrietta feel like a clumsy oaf.

"... it's silly, really," Henrietta mumbled, returning her attention to the little table and the tea set Aunt Evelyn carted out so they could enjoy the sunshine in the garden during her free afternoon. Henrietta scowled down at her saucer and the crust of her lemon tart. She wasn't going to mope! Aunt Evelyn set aside time for her and her alone, and she was going to enjoy every moment of it before Father and Mother's retainer arrived in the coming days to whisk her back to Ostwick and her certain doom. She wasn't going to be sad about a lack of summer! She would not grow homesick when she was going to return home soon enough! And she certainly wouldn't weep at the knowledge that she might not see Aunt Evelyn again. No, Henrietta would be mature and composed, the way an Ostwick noblewoman ought to be! She would meet the future with the steady resolve of a Trevelyan, even if she didn’t really look like one with her curly red hair and gangly limbs.

"I don't mind if it is silly," Aunt Evelyn said mildly, her voice soft as she poured Henrietta another cup of tea. "Silly matters can upset us just as much as the serious ones. And I am always willing to listen, Henrietta."

"... I miss summer," Henrietta finally said, feeling awfully childish and not at all like the noblewoman she was supposed to be. Aunt Evelyn might say that she was willing to listen to silly matters, but she was dealing with far more serious, far-reaching, grim problems. Even though she tried to shield her from it Henrietta heard enough to know that whatever Aunt Evelyn was doing was dangerous work. The last thing she would want to hear is a child whining about a lack of summer- and the last thing Henrietta wanted to do was cause even more problems for her aunt. Besides, she highly doubted that even her aunt could bring an Ostwick summer into the Ferelden mountains!

"Now that you mention it, so do I," Aunt Evelyn remarked, and when Henrietta whipped her head up to look across the table she found that her aunt was staring at the garden with an oddly wistful expression on her face.

"There were fireflies at the Circle. When I was an apprentice, we'd catch them in potion bottles and let them light our way as we wandered through the gardens. But we always released them within the hour- so we wouldn’t disturb the delicate natural balance, you see," Aunt Evelyn explained, and she sighed before turning back to Henrietta. She smiled then, a small smile that she had learned was rather rare.

“It is strange to experience a summer without fireflies,” she added. “But Skyhold’s climate is far too cold for our usual summer insects.”

"Like the cicadas! I always thought they were so horrible and loud, but now that they aren't here it feels..." Henrietta searched for the proper word, but finally settled upon a simple one. "It feels wrong. That's all."

“Far too quiet, I think. Despite all the activity,” Aunt Evelyn agreed. She tipped her head back to stare up at the boughs of the pine tree, and Henrietta watched her aunt carefully, waiting with baited breath for whatever she might say next. It was bound to be interesting, at the very least. Her aunt had a way of making everything interesting, even if she didn’t quite understand all of it.

“… if we were to depart tomorrow, I think we could manage a swift trip to the foot of the mountains,” Aunt Evelyn mused. “Temperate woodlands and meadows. Well patrolled. We might just see fireflies in the evening if the weather cooperates. But it will take planning, I doubt my advisors would be pleased if I set off on a camping trip with so little notice….”

“A camping trip?” Henrietta asked, and her aunt grinned at her before pouring herself a cup of tea. She reached out across the table and deposited another lemon tart on Henrietta’s plate.

“Lady Montilyet will have my head, I’m sure, but I could convince a friend or three to accompany us to the foothills so that you may enjoy some Ferelden fireflies,” Aunt Evelyn said cheerfully, and Henrietta nearly overturned the tea table in her haste to hug her aunt.

“It will be a fine adventure!” She declared- and it would be! A trip down the mountain with her aunt was just the thing to banish the doldrums that hung over her like a storm cloud. Aunt Evelyn had the best ideas!

[jodilin65]

I'm completely baffled by the fact that my visitor counter keeps going up on LJ but no visitors ever get recorded on my log.

They posted the pics from painting class and damn do I look huge! Short, old, and huge, lol. My arms are so huge that they round out in these half-moons. Tom doesn’t think so but you know how we always see ourselves differently than others. Either way, I just can’t get myself to take my weight seriously. I’d rather eat when I’m hungry and indulge every now and then than be hungry all the time even if it means I won’t quite be as healthy and there are more health risks involved. Sometimes I don’t even know if I could take it seriously if it was a matter of life or death. Maybe I could 20 or 30 years ago but now? I hope I won’t have to find out!

I still find myself stuck with a sense of emptiness and finality. Then again I don’t know if emptiness is the right word because it isn’t like I don’t have things to occupy my time. I just feel like there isn’t much hope for much change in the future. As I’ve mentioned numerous times before, once you get to a certain age it gets to be a case of been there, done that. The less money we have, the fewer opportunities we have as well. It seems I spend more time dealing with my health than anything else.

Started to lose energy after organizing things but then I perked back up. Still think I’m low on thyroid.

No mention of the paper journal I left on the counter in the bathroom in the clubhouse in hopes of someone finding it and curiously reading it. I don’t know how legible it would be since I wrote in it on the road and it sometimes got bumpy. I also abbreviated a lot and I don’t mean just the typical commonplace abbreviations either but abbreviations that only I would understand. The fact that it wasn’t mentioned makes me think someone ditched it, it’s still sitting there, or someone is reading it and not mentioning it. The thought of someone reading it with curiosity and interest amuses me for some reason. I might be curious to read it too, depending on what was in it. I like reading some journals here and there but I’ve never been interested in people’s stories. That’s what Kindle Unlimited is for. I’m very picky in what I read, too. It must be well-written, and the only genres I really like are mysteries, thrillers, and suspense.

The honker went out with his girlfriend and left me with his howling mutt. It howled longer than usual, too. I wish he would just go home already! His truck and his girlfriend’s SUV were there, though, so I’m guessing they walked down to the clubhouse or to someone’s house. Unless they were in bed fucking and the dog felt jealous and neglected, I don’t think they were home. Her SUV is gone now. I know she’s spent the night over there before but I wonder if he ever spends the night at her place and if he does, does he take his dog? They really seem to be spending a lot of time together and I wonder how it may impact his time here. I just want him, his motorcycle, and his mutt out of here! The rain kept him off the motorcycle today but I’m sure it will go out tomorrow which means I’ll have to crank the damn sound machine up. I hate it when I’m forced to do things in my own house on account of others. My living arrangements shouldn’t have to revolve around others but it could be worse. The sound machines were defenseless most of the time against the traffic at the old place. I don’t miss the days of being woken up 2 to 4 times a week. That was very hard on me. It was almost like being in the NHA all over again. I hope the storms won’t make up for it in a few months.

Tom doesn’t think the honker will move down here permanently even if they do get serious. But what about her moving into his house even if she’s in it by herself throughout the summer? Tom said that if anything he would sell his place. That would make more sense since her place is brand new. The idea of him selling his place excites me and also makes me nervous because I know something worse could end up over there. These kinds of places aren’t what they were in the 80s. I learned that 11 years ago. Yes, it’s now been over a decade that I’ve lived in adult communities. Can’t see him selling it, though. Don’t know why but I just can’t.

Love how my PB buddy is loving Swell and so grateful that I mentioned it in my journal. The digital one, of course. Glad he’s enjoying it!

So the Dream Kit app analyzed my dream of us adopting a kid, which I mentioned in my last entry. Here it is but what professional life other than working for Prolific? lol

The dream about adopting a 9-year-old girl may symbolize a desire for nurturing and caring for others. The fact that the girl is being connected to someone who has passed away in the dream could represent a sense of responsibility or duty to fulfill someone else’s wishes. The concern about your schedule and being in an adult community may reflect your apprehension about taking on new responsibilities and adjusting to changes in your life. It’s possible that this dream is prompting you to consider how you balance your personal and professional life, and how you can make room for caring for others while still taking care of yourself.

[keaalu]

Remember Me, chapter 12

Title (chapter): Remember Me (12)

Series: Transformers, G1-based “Blue” AU

Rating: PG-13

Notes: In which we find certain teleports are still sneaky assholes, Ramjet isn't sure how he got to this point in life, and Celerity has a helluva right hook. And we STILL don't know what that "one last job" was that Megatron has for Skywarp...

(...sloooowly catching up with posting this on here...)

----------------------------

Teleporting blind was hard to define to anyone who wasn’t a teleport.

Worst that could happen is you crash into a wall, they’d say. Haha, look at Skywarp, how clumsy, stuck in the furniture. What an idiot. But it’s only a wall. Why are you so upset. Just detach that bit, and carry on with your day. It’s really not a big deal.

What no-one seemed to realise was that it was never just like bumping into a wall, and never just a minor body part. More like… throwing yourself through a doorway where there could be anything on the other side – like the boiling inside of a volcano. And you wouldn’t know anything about it until you were already dissolving your spark in lava.

This insanity went against every instinct he possessed. He was only mostly confident that there was only air at the other end of his careful triangulations. Air was fine. His pre-materialisation field could push air out of the way. Liquids were… mostly fine, too. (OK, maybe except lava.) But solid objects – like walls, and floors, and bulkheads… – didn’t move. And this visual-only carefully-calculated little hop into a corridor had a margin of error as narrow as the tissue blade he’d stolen to cut out his beacon. Teleporting into solid objects was a particularly not-fun thing, and usually explodey into the bargain. (And look what happened last time: he disappeared into a time vortex for half a lifetime.)

…Skywarp successfully stepped out of his jump a few microns above the deck, in the middle of the corridor, as far from any walls as he could make it. The clunk as his thrustered heel hit the deck sounded unrealistically loud, but even the idea that it could have attracted an entire garrison of triplechangers to his escape took second billing to immediately checking himself over. He did six big agitated circles on the spot before finally being satisfied that yes, he was still in the same number of pieces he’d been in before teleporting, no, he hadn’t left anything behind in the cell, and no, he definitely wasn’t permanently attached to a wall.

And aside from his own clumsy footsteps, all was silence. That was good.

The lack of alarms felt like it was probably a good thing, as well.

Thank frag. He covered his face with both hands and blew stale exhaust into his palms.

OK. Stage two. Find the kids and break the slag out of here.

He cautiously brought all his systems back online and allowed himself a few long cycles of cool air before giving himself a good shake and telling himself to quit being a sparkling and get on with the plan.

It took every last ounce of self control not to break into a run. When his weight and certain hollow bits of anatomy were taken into account, especially against metal deckplates, thrustered heels weren’t really built with sneaking in mind, especially not quickly – they might not have noticed him escaping but they’d definitely notice the gunshot clatter of a running seeker. Instead he was reduced to skulking down the corridors with a weirdly delicate, deliberate stride, trying hard to minimise the echoes.

There was a time he had been good at this, and he was definitely out of practice. Turning into a semi-responsible adult had a lot to answer for.

In a further complication, since his teleport, he couldn’t seem to get the broken line in his helm to crystallise. It was still bleeding; trickling round under his chin and into his collar, before finding one of his many broken bits of fuselage to drip off. Only the occasional spots and smears, maybe, but even tiny droplets would light his way like glowing breadcrumbs. The quicker he could scoop up the little sparks and get out, the better.

He followed the subtle sounds of static down the corridor, homing in on the pinpoint labelled Seem that he’d stuck in his mental map. He figured it prooobably hadn’t helped the kid’s frame of mind, seeing his sire captured by the same bunch of thugs as had made his own life a living Pit for the last few orns… but hopefully Seem would still have enough of a grip on himself that he’d be helpful and not need carrying or some slag. (And hopefully the kids were on their own, or this would be the planet’s shortest rescue mission.)

He peered around the bulkhead and finally located the source of the sounds, huddled up in the corner of his cell. At least Slipstream wasn’t totally in the dark. Small blessings.

“Hey. Psst?”

“S-skyw-…!” Slipstream visibly jumped, and rocked forwards onto his knees, startled. “But, but… I thought they’d caught you-! I-I saw you with them-!”

“They did.” Satisfied the youngster had no babysitters, Skywarp turned his attention to the controls. “But you know me. I don’t like to stay caught for too long.”

“How-how did you even get out?”

Skywarp grinned. “See, when someone puts you in cuffs, you’re a good little cop and treat them like they’re meant to be treated. When someone puts me in cuffs, I take it as a challenge.” He gave the controls a wary poke, just in case it was booby-trapped, but the field obediently just fizzled out. “Huh. There’s no baffle on it? Why didn’t you get out?”

Struggling to stand, Slipstream glanced away, awkwardly, and gestured with his cuffed wrists. “Where was I going to go, exactly? We couldn’t exactly walk back to shore.”

“…Fair point. Let’s get your hands free.” Skywarp leaned briefly over the threshold and gave the cell a visual once-over. “Uh. So, uh. Where’s Dash?”

“I don’t know.” Slipstream crept to the front of the cell, tucked close to the wall, looking rather like a frightened animal. “I’m sorry. Probably with Ramjet. They don’t leave her with me very often, any more.”

“Great. That does kinda frag things up. I figured you’d be together.” Skywarp vented a terse sigh, and noticed the youngster flinch ever so slightly. He made a mental note to try not to spook him any worse until they were out “Can you see her? I’d have a look myself but it might clue them in that I’ve slipped the leash.”

Slipstream’s gaze meandered while he looked for his cousin’s signal. “…I see her, but… I’m not sure where exactly. Couple of decks above.” He studied the floor. “I’m sorry. I… kinda didn’t imagine I’d need to know, right now, or I-I’d have asked her more about where they took her. She-she’s always fine when they bring her back. I thought that was enough. I’m sorry-”

“Hey. Hey!” Skywarp caught his shoulders before he could get too wobbly. “It’s fine. You did what you could. Don’t beat yourself up over this, all right? You’ve taken enough of a beating from those guys already, don’t go and join in with doing it to yourself.” That was putting it lightly; the youngster looked like he’d taken a trip or two through the mill already. “Do I need to get the Hatchet to meet us at the Spacebridge?”

“It’s not so bad.” Slipstream shrugged and refused to meet his gaze. “Mostly just dents. I think they all had a turn at it, at one point or another. Got Dash to behave if she thought they’d punch me if she didn’t. I-I can cope. For now.”

Skywarp arched a brow at the lie, but let it rest. They’d have plenty of time for playing pin-the-blame-on-yourself later, when they weren’t still navigating this tightrope to safety.

Slipstream waited patiently while Skywarp fiddled with the dented cuffs and tried to get them to unlock. “Maybe we should try and find Ramjet.”

Skywarp gave him a wary glance. “What? Why?”

“He-he usually comes and collects Dash, and she says she normally stays with him when she’s not here. I think maybe he’s in charge of watching over her. And-” Slipstream cycled cold air and dragged up enough courage to put a little weight behind his convictions. “I think he’s maybe having second thoughts about all this? I overheard him say he wanted to come home, back to Cybertron. He might be willing to help, if we give him a bit of a break?”

Skywarp gave him a very long stare before finally saying “hm.”

“He-he’s… not been so bad. Compared to Dirge.” Slipstream chased, before that limited burst of spirit could run out. “Dirge absolutely wants me to know he’s going to kill me, eventually. Ramjet just… seems… bored of it all, I guess. He never looks interested. He’s just… flat.”

At last, the lock on the cuffs released. It took a little force, but between them they managed to peel them open.

“You don’t think it’s a trick? Or bait?” Skywarp tossed the broken cuffs into the cell, while Slipstream quietly examined his wrists for additional damage. “I mean, if there’s one person I know isn’t gonna be affected by a good punch to the head? It’s Ramjet.”

“After they caught me, he’s never really joined in when his wingmates decided I was due a slagging. I only really see him when he’s come to get Dash, or drop her back.”

Skywarp thought back to the aftermath of his own beating from Megatron, and recognised that actually? The youngster’s words did make a lick of sense. While everyone else grandstanded and tried to remind him how intimidating and scary they were all meant to be, Ramjet’s contribution had been… perfunctory. He had looked tired, more than anything. “You think he’d talk to us?”

“I don’t know.” Slipstream deflated, a little. “I haven’t dared broach the subject, in-in case I was wrong. Besides. I’m an Autobot, remember? He’d never talk to me.”

“…And I’m a traitor. I don’t know who they hate more. Chances are decent that he wouldn’t talk to me, either.” Skywarp returned his attention to the corridor. Still quiet, still empty. “Come on. Let’s at least quit hanging around in your cell doorway, seeing as this is precisely where everyone seems to be visiting right now. If anyone’s gonna accidentally spot us, it’ll be here. We can figure slag out on the way.”

Slipstream followed him, obediently. “So, um. When are the rest of the guys getting here?”

Skywarp winced. “I, ah, might have asked your ama to cover for me while I snuck out. With any luck they only figured out what I was up to when I dropped off the registry. Hopefully it means they’re still back on Cybertron.”

“Oh.” Slipstream just quietly nodded at the news, looking disappointed but not unduly surprised. Ideas like Skywarp’s tended to run in the family, after all. “Okay. So it’s just us?”

“Yeah. I figured dragging the others along for the ride wasn’t the right thing to do, right now.” Skywarp checked around a doorway, and blew out an annoyed sigh. “TC has one of his six-orn migraines and can’t see slag, and I didn’t want to immediately get murdered by bringing Screamer along. Thought I stood a better chance of surviving if it was just me. It’s… kinda worked so far, I guess. Still alive, anyway.”

“How are you going carry us when we find Dash? Do you know if you can even still fly?”

“Sure. I’ve flown with dings worse than this.” Skywarp offered an ambivalent shrug. “I’ve still got both wings, both thrusters, and hopefully most of my usual dumb luck. We’ll figure something out.” He glanced back at his sparkling and offered a lopsided smile, but Slipstream didn’t smile back. “We’re just gonna have to be lone heroes, all right?”

Slipstream laughed, humourlessly, and looked away. He was visibly deflating. “I’m not sure I’m hero material.”

“Hey. Quit that.” Skywarp gave him a light cuff on the arm. “The fact your confidence has taken a beating doesn’t mean you’re any less of a warrior than you were before a bunch of pitglitched ’Cons got their claws in you. They dumped you in a cell on your own with nothing to do except worry and it sucks.” He placed his hands firmly on the youngster’s upper arms, and crouched, subtly, to be on his eyeline. “Look. We’re gonna get out of here, but you’ve gotta focus for me, all right? I can’t do this and carry you as well.”

Slipstream stared through him for a second or two before finding his sire’s optics, and managing to focus on him. He nodded, shakily.

“I won’t lie to you. This situation sucks. There’s a pretty good chance neither of us are getting out of here in the condition we’re in right now, let alone as a functioning whole. But I need your attention. I need absolutely all your energy focused on us getting out.” Skywarp offered a wan smile. “You can be a snivelly wet blanket all you like once we’re home. Frag, I’ll come be a snivelly wet blanket with you. But let’s save it until we’ve got your cousin and got out.”

Slipstream had to reboot his vocaliser, and even then sounded hazy. “How is it you’re not scared?”

“Who said I wasn’t?”

Slipstream just stared at him, silently.

“Not looking scared doesn’t mean not being scared. You don’t survive war as long as I did without learning a few tricks, and looking like you have your slag together? Sometimes that’s enough to convince everyone else that you genuinely do.” Skywarp managed an ugly laugh. “I mean, Pit. I’m walking around here like I still own the place. Megatron’s already given me a slagging, I’m only reasonably confident that he won’t kill me on sight if he catches me, and that’s only because I know he wants Starscream to watch me die. And I’m not even totally confident of that. If we frag this up, he might decide sending him a video works just as well.”

Slipstream leaned into the stabilising grip for a further astro second or two, before lifting his own hands to cover the larger ones on his arms. “That’s… not really helping, Day.”

“…yeah, I know. I figure that’s why I never got the job as staff counsellor back home.” Skywarp let out a tired whistle of exhaust and let his helm bonk gently against Slipstream’s. “I also know, we’re gonna do this. We’re survivors. We’ve got through everything else and we’re already halfway there. We just need one last little push, and we’ll fetch Dashie, and be out.”

Slipstream nodded against him.

“Remember. It’s not about being scared. Everyone gets scared. Even I get scared. I’ve got the surges right now.” Skywarp grinned in a way that bared his denta in a determined snarl. “It’s about knowing you’re scared, and still telling it exactly where it can go frag off, because we’re gonna do it anyway. Right?”

Slipstream finally managed to dredge up a more genuine laugh – shaky and halfway to a sob, but at least there was a bit of energy behind it. He wiped his face with one hand and made an effort to straighten his twisted antennae. “Right. Let’s go tell it where to frag off.”

 -----

He might in reality have been sat on his aft, but in his head right now, Ramjet stood on a precipice, with his own weight in concrete around his thrusters, debating whether he dared step off into the unknown. Sure, even loaded up like this, he could still fly, but he was at his limit. Add one more tiny thing – like the weight of a first-instar sparkling, perhaps – and that might be enough to turn flying into falling and the drop in front of him was a very long way down with no way back up.

And that was just the little problem. He had no idea what to do about the big problems – the two massive spanners in his turbines called Thrust and Dirge. If he tried to discuss any of this with them, he knew Dirge would go straight to Megatron. Or ‘accidentally’ let it slip to Soundwave. And it didn’t take much thinking to know who Thrust would side with.

Ramjet knew the trine was in trouble.

Worse, he knew, deep down, that they were right. It was his fault.

Even during the better times, when they had an actual cause worth fighting for and things weren’t all so fractured and pointless, before The Traitor defected and the ‘Cons ended up stuck the wrong side of the spacebridge on planet Mud… he didn’t exactly have a great track record as wingleader. Not that his wingbros were any better, but Dirge had at least found the capacity to be kinda proactive for a change.

…Which meant Megatron was looking more closely at the three of them, all of a sudden, so whatever Ramjet did do, he didn’t have the luxury of taking time making the decision.

And that was discounting the idea that Starscream would beat him to the punch – finally make his move, get himself caught and horribly executed, the Autobots would move to try and stop the ‘Cons reinvading Cybertron, and their stupid meaningless war would start over again.

Assuming he did get out, Ramjet knew he’d have to be really careful about how he played this, because yeah, they’d abducted (and traumatised) the kids and shot – maybe killed – Skywarp’s femme. Maybe he could spin it that hey, he was acting on Megatron’s orders, not everyone has the Screamer’s compulsion to defy him at every turn. Right? If he grovelled low enough perhaps he wouldn’t immediately get shot. You could eventually come back from planetary exile, he figured. Couldn’t come back from being dead. And if it came to the worst, Autobot prisons had to be better than this dump.

Once he’d bought himself a little favour with the enemy, a little space to think without constantly being aware of a timer counting down to a deadline he didn’t actually know, he could work on figuring out what to do with his trine.

He’d probably frag things up irreparably no matter what option he took – but sitting here just staring at screens and hoping it’d just spontaneously somehow resolve itself wasn’t an option either.

Make or break time.

If he left, his bros would either follow him because they saw something worth saving, or they wouldn’t, because it was over.

Was he clutching at contrails, hoping they’d think he was worth following?

“Ugh.” He covered his face with both hands and rested his elbows against the control panel.

Skydash squeaked questioningly at him, but he ignored her for now.

Frag.

Frag.

Clutching at contrails.

Ramjet made up his mind. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk.” He held out his hand.

Skydash examined the big palm for several seconds before climbing warily on. “Walk where?”

“Does it matter? I mean if you’d rather stay in this li’l room, be my guest. But you might get kinda bored. And Mean Blue might come back.”

She chirped uneasily and clung tighter to his thumb while he lifted her to his shoulder. He let her wriggle into a convenient crevice, tiny fingers finding just enough gaps in his plating to anchor herself. It felt very strange, but he figured it wouldn’t be for too long.

Hoped it wouldn’t be for too long. And not for the wrong reasons.

The instant she was secure, Ramjet puffed himself up, arms stiff and hands fisted, just in case anyone was watching, and strode out into the corridor.

Just going about my business, nothing to see here.

I am a totally normal confident Decepticon warrior, where I belong, not even trying to sneak out with one of our prisoners.

“See ama now, Arrgie?” she asked, quietly.

“Maybe. If you behave.” He felt her perk up, and hastily added; “And be quiet, all right? You know Dirge will say no.” And instantly grass us up to Megatron. “If the guys spot us, that’s it. Curtains.”

She was silent for an astro-second. “What curtains am?”

“Curtains are what we close on the end of the world for both of us.” At the second little questioning noise, he went on: “Someone might even put you back in the bucket.”

Alarm flashed through her field. “No bucket,” she whispered.

“Right? No bucket.”

She managed a whole astro-second of silence. “When to get Unnolseem?”

Frag. “Uh. I’m… gonna… have to come back for him,” Ramjet lied. “The two of you together will be too heavy.”

If she sensed the lie, she didn’t call him out on it, and settled again, satisfied for now.

Then they rounded a corner and ran smack into Skywarp.

“Frag!” Ramjet leaped back and immediately went into a defensive half-crouch, fisting one hand in front of his chest, ready to deliver a punch if needed. “How did you get out?!”

“By being cleverer than you bunch of pitglitches, how do you think?” Skywarp had already put himself between Ramjet and Slipstream, using his wings as a shield, equally ready to fight. “Have you never upgraded the brig since we jumped ship?”

“Unnolseem!” Skydash ruined the tension. “Find ama!” she squeaked, excitedly flailing her arms. She looked like she was on the cusp of toppling clean off. “Arrgie say!”

Ramjet hastily grabbed her before she could fall off – and more importantly, before anyone else could snatch her. It unfortunately ruined the whole fearsome Conehead look that he was trying to carry off.

Skywarp gave him a very long, curious stare. ���Are you defecting?”

“And fling myself on the tender mercy of you guys? Don’t be ridiculous.”

“You haven’t shot us yet.”

“Of course not. I don’t want you falling apart in the hallway, it’d ruin Megatron’s plans. I’m calling for backup right now.”

“Really.” Skywarp folded his arms, unimpressed. “We all heard what Dashie just said about finding her bearer, and Seem thinks you want to come back to Cybertron. If you are quitting-”

Ramjet’s expression darkened. “I do want to come home; so what? It sucks that we’ve been stuck here all these vorns, slowly rusting and going decrepit, while you guys sit around enjoying the good life. It doesn’t mean I’m defecting. It means, I’m gonna wait until Megatron finally puts his plans into action, then swoop to victory the instant you’re out of the way.”

Skywarp arched an eyebrow, and they all just stared at each other for several seconds, the words hanging unspoken in the air. Which is why you’re sneaking out with half of Megatron’s plan.

Ramjet sighed. “Okay. Fine. Just for an astro-second, say I was. Say I didn't want to wait for Megatron because I know it'll instantly go to slag and we’ll have a derelict planet again. Would you give me a chance, or just shoot me when my back was turned?”

“You jumping ship now isn’t going to stop Megatron’s grand plan-”

“Maybe not? Who cares. At least he’ll have one fewer pairs of hands to help wreck the joint.” Ramjet closed his mouth with a little snap, and glared. “…And you are not tricking me into saying anything else. Not until I get some assurances of safety from you.”

Skywarp put his hands up, defensively. “Okayokay. You have my word that I won’t shoot you – yet, anyway – but I’m still just the grunt of my trine. It’s my wingbros you’re gonna have to convince.” He held one hand out. “Hand Dash to me, and Seem can get you out.”

“So you can all immediately leave me behind?” Ramjet tightened his grip, subtly. “No deal, traitor. She’s my guarantee that you at least listen to me.”

“I hate to break it to you, RJ, but last time I checked you couldn’t teleport.”

“So I’ll take the lift? Like I was about to do, before you two fragheads showed up. How do you think I normally get off this disintegrating tin can?”

“And you were planning to not get caught… how?”

“By… living here? And not being suspicious because I’m not sneaking around where I’m not meant to be? If Tiny keeps quiet, I’ll just leave the same way I normally do, using the docking gantry.” Ramjet lowered his voice to a hiss. “Which is looking less and less likely, by the way, the longer I stand here chatting with you two idiots. Just get yourselves out, and I’ll meet you up there.”

“Or you’ll run straight to Megatron and let him know we’re making a jailbreak. I think not.”

“The frag would I do that when we’ve already established I’m defying orders myself?!”

Skywarp rubbed the back of his helm. “Fine. We’re gonna have to work together, then. All four of us at once. If we synchronise our gates, we can just perform one big jump at once. Everyone knows where everyone else is, no-one betrays anyone, no-one gets shot.” He gave his niece a look. “You all right with that, Bit?”

Dash nodded. Having her family around had emboldened the sparkling. “Find ama. No bucket,” she asserted.

“Bucket?” Skywarp wondered.

Ramjet ignored him, just glaring tiredly at the sparkling. “Do I look anything like I have a damn bucket on my person anywhere?”

She just stared up at him.

“All right, all right, I get it. No bucket.”

“You good for fuel?” Skywarp gave Ramjet a loaded glance. “’Cause when we leave here, we ain’t stopping for anyone until we get through the spacebridge.”

Ramjet shrugged, ambivalently. “How are you for fuel?” he returned, sidestepping the question. “We haven’t exactly fed you while you’ve been here.”

“I haven’t leaked it all on the floor yet.” Skywarp dragged up a cynical smile. “This plastic refit you lot have been having so much fun sucking sump about does have a few perks. I can go lightyears further than you bunch of lead-forged bulk carriers-”

The sudden shrill pulsatile scream of Nemesis’s general alarm made all four jump. Scared, Skydash jammed her hands up over her audios and joined in a microsecond later.

Skywarp rankled at the accusatory looks. “Okay, fine! We’ve been chatting in the corridors for too long and I guess someone finally looked at the monitors. That or someone spotted I’m still dripping and is following my trail. Seem? Better get our gates synced.”

Slipstream nodded, gulping down cold air. “I’ve not done this in a long time,” he stammered. “Give-give me a second--”

The rattle of running footsteps was obvious even over the din of alarms.

Skywarp glanced down the corridor in the direction they were coming from. “We might not have a second, ’cause that sounds like company,” he snapped, turning to face the approaching enemy. “I’ll try buy us some time. Just don’t stop.”

Thrust skidded around the corner without leaving himself enough room to stop, and crashed side-on into the wall. In the instant it took to rebalance his gyroscopes, Skywarp already sprinting towards him, in an irregular teleported zigzag across the corridor.

“Oh, frag!” Thrust scrambled to lock back onto his target, but Skywarp’s quick hops ruined his tracking, and by the time he thought to rely on his vision, his assailant was already within striking distance.

The teleport threw a punch and connected his fist with Thrust’s unprotected face.

“How’s that plastic feel for you?!”

Thrust lost his balance and went crashing down on his aft, swearing the whole way.

“…Traitor!” Apparently aiming for a pincer movement to box the escapees in, Dirge had appeared from the opposite direction… but was so shocked to be seeing Ramjet together with Skywarp and the kids, he had no idea how to handle it.

Slipstream seized the chance – Dirge was within striking distance, hadn’t yet brought his cannons up, and the younger mech was still running hot with alarm.

He launched himself at the blue jet, arms wide and head down, and ploughed into his midsection. Smaller he might have been, but the youngster was heavy and sturdily built, and as tackles went it was pretty solid. One of Dirge’s thrusters skidded out from underneath him and they went sprawling.

Slipstream used both hands against the jet’s face to push himself up and away, out of reach. Dirge swore and made an unsuccessful grab for one arm, unable to recover from the shove quickly enough to catch him.

“Seem! Finalise the sync-!” Skywarp bellowed, urgently.

Thrust was already up in a crouch, pushing off in a lunge.

Slipstream snatched out a hand and secured his grip on Ramjet. “Done-!”

Thrust made a grab-…

-…but his fingers closed on empty air.

Then momentum carried him wildly over his centre of gravity and he collapsed onto Dirge.

It really wasn’t their day.

-----  

Up in the monitoring room, the escape hadn’t gone observed.

Megatron stood squarely in front of the screen, arms folded. A motley assortment of other mechs had clustered around the margins of the room behind him, wanting to see but not particularly keen to be within reach. Just in case.

Astrotrain stood at the back of the crowd, at a respectful, harder-to-slag distance. “Far be it for me to tell you how to do your job, mighty Megatron, but, uh. You… don’t want us to hunt them down?”

The warlord stared at the screen for several seconds, listening to the confused murmurings of his followers, before finally speaking.

“No. This might not be the outcome I had been hoping for, but it still works in my favour.” He turned away from the screen and everyone took a collective step back. “Whether he realises it or not, Skywarp is still working for us. With a little luck, he will carry our plan right to his own doorstep.” A small smile traced the thin lips. “He never does learn from past mistakes, does he?”

-----  

The flight back to land was uneventful. A blind sprint over the ocean, granted, trying to become invisible by sticking so close to the waves that seaspray often stung their fuselage… but no-one appeared to be following them. So they were all getting covered in salt-spots for no reason.

It left Skywarp deeply uneasy – too quiet, where was the pursuit, how far back were they, was there a trap ahead – but he kept his concerns to himself. Wasn’t about to challenge the advantage, just in case Primus decided the escapees had been granted quite enough good luck, now, and dropped a Blitzwing in their way.

The irony that their ‘prisoner’ was the only mech that was still functionally armed was not lost on him. The last thing they needed was a triplechanger to deal with.

Ramjet had been moodily silent since leaving the Nemesis.

-might not count for much coming from me, but think this is pretty brave of you- Skywarp pinged.

Ramjet replied with an obscene image.

-mean it! not even slagging with you-

-whatever. coulda got out without the bros being any the wiser, but you had to go screw that up- Ramjet replied, sourly.

-they’d have known eventually-

-would have figured out an excuse by then! cook it so dirge thought it was his idea. no hope now. total slagfest-

Skywarp let the matter drop, aside from a final -sorry- that he hoped was good enough to convince the conehead he was genuine.

Ramjet didn’t respond.

They finally arrived at the spacebridge to find Vantage had already cued up the Deixar address, and the wormhole was glowing hot. Only two other familiar figures stood nearby – Jazz and Prowl, of course – but Skywarp could pretty much guarantee the presence of a dozen other Autobots, minimum, hiding close by in the trees.

Relieved to be back on solid ground, Slipstream took two steps before stumbling and sagging against Skywarp, as if his knees had forgotten how to work. Skywarp let him lean – the smaller mech’s acrophobia was no secret, and he’d spent the entire journey clinging to him with both arms, optics offline, trying not to tremble too much but still distractingly shaky.

“Skywarp,” Jazz greeted, coming forwards, looking relaxed but keeping his gaze fixed on the uncomfortable Ramjet. “We spotted your coming and let Cybertron know you were on your way, but does anyone need Ratchet before you ship out?”

Skywarp snorted. “Thanks, but no thanks. No offence, but we’re not planning on hanging around.” He pulled carefully on Slipstream’s arm and got him back onto his feet. “Only a few more steps, Seemo, then you can fall apart in safety. All right?”

Prowl stood quietly watching them approach the spacebridge; he gave Ramjet a very long, meaningful stare, but didn’t challenge them.

Skywarp gave the Autobot a nod, but otherwise ignored him, hustling Ramjet along in front and hoping Prowl would play into the ruse the mech was his prisoner – or at least wouldn’t call him out, because his own sleek arms and absence of weaponry was kinda obvious.

Thankfully, no-one challenged why Ramjet was still carrying Dash, either. That would have been harder to explain without publically going into the detail Skywarp wanted to avoid.

The four emerged from the transport wormhole to a bristling blue wall of defensive shielding, scattered in a big circle between a loose perimeter of hastily-erected barriers. It looked like half the Deixar force was there, anticipating Megatron himself to be coming through.

“Whoa.” Even Skywarp took a step back, surprised. “That’s a bigger welcome than I was expecting.”

Ramjet tensed and stumbled backwards behind Skywarp’s wings. He’d have probably ducked straight back through the spacebridge if it hadn’t (inconveniently) already deactivated. “I thought you said I’d have to convince your bros?” he hissed. “Not the entire fragging police force! You never said anything about this.”

“Hate to break it to you but I haven’t had a tonne of contact with Cybertron in the last few orns?”

A big white shape with blazing blue optics broke through the vanguard, closely followed by a familiar set of blue wings, and advanced with a thunderous stride that made the ground shake. Skywarp heard Ramjet’s fans kick subtly to a higher frequency. With the femme’s field broadcasting her emotions so scorchingly hot, it did feel rather like having a hostile blue-white star bearing down on them.

The giant wrestled her self-control back and stumbled to a halt an arm’s length away. “Hand her over,” she instructed, shakily, then added; “please.”

For several seconds, Ramjet just stared. Celerity was easily as tall as him, and must have massed getting on for double. He barely even noticed Thundercracker approaching behind her.

Skywarp kicked him in the back of the leg. It was enough to break through the haze of fight-or-flight and he realised the sparkling was on the point of squirming out of his hands all by herself anyway.

Ramjet hastily plonked the tiny bot into the large palms, and the supernova rapidly deflated.

For several long seconds, Celerity just held her sparkling, the tension visibly draining out of her. Skydash clicked and squirmed and tried to mould herself all the way into her chassis.

“Ama, ama, ama,” the sparkling repeated, like an excited mantra. “Ama, ama!”

The instant Skydash had calmed enough to handle, Celerity peeled the baby carefully off her armour, and gently passed her into Thundercracker’s confused hands; Skydash shrieked and flailed excitedly and scrambled up his arm to latch around his neck. “Be good for a moment?” she said, with a smile, although it wasn’t obvious who exactly she was talking to.

Then she turned, and sent Ramjet reeling with a piledriver right hook to the face.

[ppg-villains-defense-lawyer]

Alright, here's what I got:

Poor Princess by 14Checker: This is one of the few I don't think I've ever mentioned, but it's my favorite Princess fic by far. Takes the concept of "what if Princess became poor" and really dives deep into how she would react. Really great character portrayal striking just the right balance of brattiness and vulnerability. The one major downside is that it hasn't been updated since 2014 so there's a good chance it's a dead fic

Villain: Redux by Yay Ninja Bob: I've already talked about this fic ad nauseam so I'll keep it brief. Basically it's an exploration into Buttercup's descent into villainy, the family dynamics of the Utoniums, as well as a look into how Townsville treats its villains. Very well written and actually pretty realistic. It is quite lengthy at almost 450k words (with still a few chapters to go) tho, so definitely something you need to dedicate some time to if you want to read it.

Forever Young by nicnac: A more recent find for me, but a great one nonetheless. The main concept is "what if the Powerpuff Girls were permanently stuck at the age they were born as?" Very heartbreaking and angsty in all the right ways. Basically guaranteed to get you in the feels.

Snowfall by PsychophanticGhost: A Bubbles/Boomer one shot (yes, I am putting one PPG/RRB fic on here) where Bubbles invites Boomer ice skating. They're not together and still technically enemies (or at least, on opposing sides), but it's clear they have a mutual crush on each other and it's just very cute and wholesome.

Friendship Is a Many Splendored Thing by MadnessJones: A Blossom and Grubber friendship fic based around a mutual love of poetry and feeling of both being outsiders, which is a very unique concept I've never seen before. Also a good deal of general Gangreen Gang content in general and backstories for them, a look into Ace and Snake's toxic friendship, and a cute subplot where Snake dates a girl from Malph's (well, kind of).

The Most Unfair Accusation in the World by MoonlightSalsa: I'd be remissed if I didn't talk about this fic, because it inspired certain aspects of mine and laid the foundation for a few of my headcanons (namely, Snake being from a wealthy family and having a sister, Ace being from Citiesville, etc). The basic plot is that the Gangreen Gang get accused of murder, a crime they didn't commit, and it follows them as they go to trial and their backstories are revealed. Also looks a bit into how the justice system works in Townsville and how criminals are treated. It's pretty good and I'd definitely recommend giving it a read.

Since the topic of finding good PPG fics has come up today on my dash, I could make a rec list if anyone would be interested in that?

[mizutori-heiko]

Mizutori’s bakudeku fanfiction master list [complete works]

Really really good writing by these incredible authors. In no particular order! These are all Top!Bakugou and Bottom!Deku. If A/B/O dynamics then it’s Alpha!Bakugou and Omega!Deku. Yes, I have preferences.

Canon World – until 15k

What The Fuck Did You Just Call Me? by reading_raindrop | 8,303 | Izuku starts calling him Bakugou and it pisses the explosive teen off a lot more than he thought it would.

Oh right, you were a little sh*t by SaysiWrites | 5,653 | When Midoriya Izuku gets hit by an age-reversion Quirk, the last thing anyone expected to find out is that Toddler-Izuku is a little shit. Except for one Bakugou Katsuki, who has seen this phase one too many times already. (Bonus+ the entire Little Sh*t (Kidfic) series)

Do Not Disturb by surveycorpsjean | 10,010 | Apply enough force, and something is bound to break.

And Atlas fell by supercrunch | 15,185 | They move in together, after a while. Katsuki joins Best Jeanist and Izuku trains under Gran Torino. They still take comfort in each other every day, curl up in bed and kiss and talk about how life is going. Their live are tumultuous, after all, what with villains and training and rescuing people every week. It’s nice to have something certain. At the end of a day filled with violence and adrenaline, Izuku knows he can come home to someone concrete. It’s perfect. Being a hero is scary and grueling and uncertain, but this part is just right. And then, one day, a child dies in Izuku’s arms.

be loved by bonnia | 5,403 | The kidnapping incident leaves bakugou traumatised about being touched on the back of his neck, and midoriya decides to take matters into his own hands.

Big Protein by Mysecretfanmoments | 13,683 | Bakugou Katsuki has a thriving hero career, an agent to manage his famous attitude, and absolutely zero romantic interest in anyone. With the exception of his favourite health food joint refusing to expand to his city, his life is pretty damn perfect—so why does a viral video revealing Deku's stash of dirty mags involving him and Deku together turn everything upside-down?

Chocolate cake and resin preserved flowers by Anoksun | 11,396 | Izuku loses his memories. Katsuki struggles not to lose Izuku too.

Twin Stars by theperksofbeinglarissa | 8,435 | When Deku saves a woman's life, her quirk is accidentally activated. Her quirk? She reveals a person's soulmate. A star-shaped mark appears on Midoriya's left arm... and on Bakugou's as well. Kirishima is the only one who knows that Bakugou is Midoriya's soulmate, and Bakugou isn't taking the news very well. Can the twin stars of class 1-A work out their differences and find their happy ending?

Unhealthy Fixations by Thesis | 12,522 | Izuku is an adult who knows better than to crush on his childhood bully. AND YET.

Like the Moon by osakakitty | 14,781 | Katsuki Bakugo is having constant, erotic dreams about Izuku Midoriya. He isn’t sure why, but they won’t go away. In order to make them stop, he needs to figure out what Izuku Midoriya means to him.

Worth a Second Shot by cinnabee | 13,080 | Katsuki and Izuku celebrate registering as a Hero Duo together with a big party. What could go wrong?

Like Something Out of A Shoujo Manga by Merrywetherweather | 2,971 | Deku ends up in a rather interesting quirk accident, one that triggers flag events as if he were the protagonist of an otome game.

Canon World – 15k++

Blood Moon by lalazee | 94,860 | The Thank-Fuck-We-Aren’t-Dead Sex had started then, and had never really stopped. Then came the feelings and the fights. The ego, the pride, the jealousy. And then there was Us.

The Way You Used To Do by edema_ruh | 669,463 | During a battle, Midoriya gets hit by a villain whose quirk detaches his soul from his body. Stuck in a ghost-like state, the boy enters a race against time in order to save himself from permanently dying. Much to his luck - or lack of it -, the only person who can see and talk to him in this state is no one other than Kacchan.

Just Like Breathing by MD_Daydreamer | 35,423 | Izuku got engaged. He didn't mind. If that made Uraraka happy, he could do it. He thought his life wouldn't change much.But then, Kacchan went to live in the USA.

briar roses (and hundred years of sleep) by vannral | 15,951 | In which Izuku is hit by a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Quirk, Class 3-A tries to find his True Love and get them to kiss him, and Katsuki’s very angry about it all.

"what's your type?" by sapphicflower | 20,192 | In order to increase their popularity rankings as up and coming pro heroes, Izuku and Katsuki participate in the most popular late night talk show for hero duos - ‘Heroes Rising!’. They’re killing it, obviously, because they know each other from inside and out. Until one question stumps the two of them: “What is your hero partner’s type?”

and it was Just Right by cinnabee | 23,759 | Katsuki spends two years post-graduation in a furious one-sided competition with his childhood friend and rival's promotional photos - until they finally run into each other, and, well. You shouldn't believe everything you see in magazines. A love story about size differences.

Notice Me, Nerd by useless_donut | 40,000 | Bakugou is in love with Midoriya. He doesn’t hide it, in fact it’s so painfully obvious that the entire class of 3-A has him figured out in a matter of months (days, in some cases). Too bad Midoriya is the most oblivious motherfucker out there, and Bakugou is too damn stubborn to actually ask him out. A love story as witnessed by the class of 3-A.

in your dreams, nerd! by sapphicflower | 37,639 | In a strange and unexpected set of circumstances, Izuku and Katsuki find themselves sharing their dreams together whenever they happen to fall asleep at the same time. Being hopelessly in love with each other, they don’t mind it all that much. What better way to spend time with your crush than in a stupidly vivid dream?

Hear Me by my_name_is_Levi | 22,419 | It wasn’t as if nightmares were uncommon for the freshman class of Yuuei. They’d seen plenty of things, heard and felt and witnessed enough travesty in their lives to last them a lifetime. But Midoriya Izuku was screaming, and no one, not even Bakugo Katsuki could ignore it.

Bridges by supercrunch | 18,018 | Bakugou is signed up for a Calvin Klein modeling gig. The thing is, they really do need the money. And Katsuki's technically the leader of this bunch of morons, so he finds himself taking the job even though his pride will never recover. And even though nobody thought to tell him that he'd be working with his ex-boyfriend. You know, the cute freckled guy from high school who went and broke his heart. So, yeah. This whole situation kind of sucks.

objective truth by mamalade | 15,390 | Izuku gets hit with a truth quirk, as one does. He seems to be handling it well—until Katsuki shows up.

catharsis by dollcewrites | 15,071 | It's been six years since Izuku graduated.It's been six years since he confessed to his childhood friend; his classmate and his inspiration. It's been six years since he deleted Bakugou's number, asked his friends not to mention the name, spent every last effort of his heart turning off the TV and averting his eyes from the newspapers. It's been six, long, long years since he gave up on Katsuki Bakugou ever loving him back.

Here here, my friends and me (You are my familia) by Jeka | 128,832 | Bakugou Katsuki has made a great job of ignoring the fact that he is tragically in love with Deku, someone who could never love him like that and let's face it, he doesn't deserve. Now that he can't ignore it anymore, he has to find a way to keep his childhood friend and move on for his own sake. Or so he had thought, maybe he can have Deku, after all. Izuku has everything he always wanted in life. But suddenly he has to navigate the most important relationship in his life through different eyes.

Canon World – Jealous! 

Hands Off by SaysiWrites | 7,140 | When a new girl at school starts flirting with Bakugou, his friends quickly become invested in the idea of their friend experiencing love - even if he doesn't seem at all interested in her. What they don't see is Midoriya fuming in the background. But how can he get rid of her when they've spent so long keeping their relationship a secret?

Surfaces by surveycorpsjean | 25,225 | Katsuki has a new girlfriend, but something isn't right. As impossible as it is, Izuku can't help but wonder what it'd be like to be called Katsuki's girl.

Green-Eyed Beast by SecretKiwi | 4,721 | Everyone wants a piece of Katsuki Bakugou, but they should beware of the Green-eyed beast always lurking close behind him.

Green with Envy by Sol_Morales707 | 2,611 | Izuku Midoriya is not as innocent and pure as everyone thinks he is. The truth was he was very jealous and willing to do anything for a certain blonde.

Happy Camper by Arysa | 7,074 | Wanting a break from the stress of dealing with the rookie Pro Hero grind, a handful of students from Class A decide to go on a camping trip. Izuku's excited to relax and catch up with everyone, especially Kacchan. But, well, Kacchan's... Kacchan. And dating Kirishima.

How to stop time: kiss by Teddingtons | 31,693 | Deku finally asks Uraraka out. Everyone's supportive except Bakugou who can't even look him in the eye. Deku seeks him out after and is hit with truth.

What I Deserve by s_the_queen | 16,671 | When Izuku starts dating a student in General Studies, everyone is happy for him. She's super sweet and really caring. But something doesn't sit right with Katsuki.

Deku's Already Fucking Taken by asdfjkl129 | 20,704 | 5 times people don't realize that Deku is already in a very happy relationship and try their hand at asking him out, and then in Bakugou's unique and special style, get very firmly corrected, +1 time where no correction is needed.

His by sister_elric | 6,206 | Izuku would like to consider himself a pretty level headed individual. Sure, he had the occasional tunnel vision, especially when it came to training. And hero work. And Kacchan. But, overall, Midoriya felt as though he typically kept his cool. Well, maybe that was a stretch. But, at the very least he could understand his own emotions. So, it surprised even him when an unfamiliar emotion coursed through him as a first year approached his boyfriend, Katsuki.

Down the Red Line by MinervaHope | 7,804 | Izuku has been able to see the red strings of fate since birth. It's no surprise that his is connected to Katsuki.

Canon World – Fake Relationship Goes Wrong

how he should’ve known (and how it turned out) by vannral | 43,918 | In which Katsuki and Izuku pretend to be a couple to avoid journalists, the plan backfires magnificently because of course it does, and the act goes on. Includes feelings, pining, domestic fluff and jealousy.

Vicious by feelslikefire | 105,173 | Midoriya and Bakugou wind up in the very last position either of them thought they'd be in: Hero Partners. It's not fun, but they learn to cope. Their first big assignment together takes them undercover to infiltrate a cult, but the situation turns out far more sinister than they first thought.

What I can never tell you by Mikacrispy | 27,067 | After living in the US for 5 years, Izuku returns to take care of a concussed Bakugou who believes they're engaged. Now, Izuku has to pretend he's in a relationship with the man he's loved for most of his life, knowing that it's just a matter of time until Katsuki gets better and realizes it's all a lie.

Not-Dating by MiraChaDoodles | 14,290 | Katsuki takes Deku on a not-date to save his career, only to find himself wishing it were real.

we'll do the things that lovers do by ethereals | 29,544 | Izuku gets an invitation to Shouto's wedding and Katsuki is PISSED that he asks Kirishima to be his date (also he wasn't even fucking invited

Canon World – Friends With Benefits (?) 

Four Times Bakugou Katsuki Doesn't Intend to Sleep With Midoriya Izuku (And the One Time that He Does) by fallingraine85 | 17,601 | He hadn’t planned for any of this. He isn’t about to go delving into the ball of yarn that is Midoriya Izuku’s heart; he isn’t equipped to try and untangle and make sense of it all. He isn’t about to try to analyze how he’s feeling about all of this, either.... How many times can you repeat the same mistake?

We Wear Chains on the Weekend by surveycorpsjean | 35,086 | Well, in a day of revelations, it turns out that Izuku isn't as vanilla as Katsuki previously thought. Unfortunately, that fascinating discovery is overshadowed by Izuku's dumbassery, because he has zero concept of aftercare."Don't go to anyone else," Katsuki says, because screw it. He can do a better job anyways. Or; Katsuki finds Izuku on a bad drop.

Just for Now by Shiro_Kabocha | 48,135 | Katsuki's parents are out of town over a school break and to keep him from getting up to any shenanigans, they ask Izuku to house sit with him. What are two teenaged boys to do when left alone to their own devices? (Bonus+ the entire Just for Love series)

safe in the darkness by yoonskisses | 20,855 | Izuku and Katsuki had been meeting up secretly for months, with absolutely no feelings involved. Or so Katsuki thought at least. The dorm gossip about Ochaco and Izuku's new relationship seemed to set a spanner in the works for their arrangement.

Alternative Universe – No Quirks

Bluebird by EtherealBeing | 53,108 | Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact. However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.

Someone Borrowed by mynameis152 | 138,996 | It felt like hours that he stared at Izuku, coming to terms with the fact that a man, his childhood best friend, whom he hadn’t seen since their senior year of high school, was there in front of his very eyes. Then his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched before he uttered through gritted teeth the very name Izuku had longed to hear for years. “Deku.”

Dark Side of the Sun by Synnie | 51,598 | Staying up too late playing video games, Kirishima wasn't expecting to get an urgent call begging for help. Next thing he knew, he was letting his classmate Izuku Midoriya take refuge in his apartment - without consulting his always angry roommate.

Manage Me by Justaperson1718 | 10,756 | Izuku becomes Katsuki’s model agent.

Don't Set Your Drink Down by Crandberrycrush | 88,424 | With sudden clarity Izuku realized he had broken the first rule of going out. Never leave your drink unattended.

Livewire by pretty_rekless | 18,160 | Per Ochako's request, Izuku downloads a gay dating app in hopes to finally find a partner. Except every single one of his leads keep ghosting him or standing him up... That is until one hot, fiery blond enters the chat. Grindr/Tinder AU fic.

Drinking Watermelon by warschach | 8,906 | Katsuki works as a camp counselor, and Izuku is a boy made of summer heat and sunlight.

Precious Pet by Mikacrispy | 6,379 | When broke college student Midoriya Izuku found a job that offered lodging, food, and good pay for four hours of work each day, he thought it was too good to be true. But he called anyway. Turns out all he has to do is to be the spoiled little puppy of a rich businessman.

Our Eleven Summers by Dark_Mage_Ayumu | 34,472 | The first time Katsuki met Izuku was when he was eight. For the next eleven years, Izuku changed his life, and no one even knew. Their relationship was something they shared in secret.

sticky note crushes by ladyofsnails | 3,239 | Katsuki hates his roommate. The green-haired, freckled, artsy son of a bitch with his dumb pun t-shirts and paint-stained hands he can’t fucking keep to himself. Katsuki can’t leave a single assignment or paper out in his room because that idiot will just grab anything to draw on it. He’s like a shark that can’t stop swimming else it’ll die – he can’t stop drawing. Ever.

Don't Play Pretend by SweetSide | 10,103 | Actor AU: Deku and Bakugou get the leading roles for an upcoming TV Drama. They weren’t aware that they would be working with each other for who knows how long. It would’ve been completely fine if they weren’t exes.

97.6 FM by jamjars | 32,249 | Izuku can’t stop listening to the radio host with the deep voice who sounds like he’s stuck in 2010. It’s a harmless crush. That is until he starts calling into the show under the pseudonym Deku.

Read {between} Your Lines by greatcloudninja | 52,252 | Midoriya Izuku, up-and-coming actor, has finally hit his big break (...), Bakugou Katsuki, who has been acting for over twenty years.However, Bakugou seems to have it out for Izuku, leading to tension both on and off set. When some incriminating photos surface, the studio suggests (...): having Bakugou and Midoriya fake a relationship to get ahead of the rumors. 

I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts by PassingShadow | 5,522 | Izuku is a professional cuddler and Katsuki is his new client that’s just a little rough around the edges, and needs a natural healing touch.

Alternative Universe – Quirkless Deku

A Good Old-Fashioned Tattoo AU by lalazee | 14,437 | After their paths had split, Bakugou & Deku meet again as adults. While Bakugou begins to repent for the kid he used to be, he also starts to prove himself as he the man he is now.

Call Me a Safe Bet (I'm Betting I'm Not) by WTTTD | 10,803 | He wished he had some sort of heads up before seeing Deku again for the first time after nearly two years, looking like the essence of a lazy Sunday, smiling and surrounded with brand new, adoring friends. It was a little fitting that Katsuki burned for him so badly. (Support Department Deku)

In Which Kacchan Has a Ruff Time by OneshotPrincess | 14,511 | Bakugou Katsuki gets quirked into a dog, gets adopted by an unknowing Izuku and generally has a very rough few days full of realizations

While You Were Sleeping by Belkacaramelka (annabelleg) | 71,197 | The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.

Let Me Assist You Personally by Seeress | 32,806 | Izuku is long-suffering Personal Assistant to #1 Pro Hero Dynamight.Dynamight can't keep a PA to save his career. They all quit crying after a few days weeks. Enter, Izuku—with enough money problems to brave the jaws of the cranky beast. Childhood friend turned glorified paid slave. Somehow it all works out. ‘Kill them with kindness’, his mom had told him once. If that were true, Bakugou Katsuki would be stone-cold dead by now.

Smile For The Camera by kurokonekokilled | 19,179 | Midnight has a cam site, home to millions of users, but one catches Katsuki's eye when he goes scrolled through it in search for something to help him release a little stress. A live stream and the best orgasm of his life later, his wallet is lighter, and he might be almost as obsessed with this Deku guy as the cam boy is with him.

Just Like The Comics by brichibi | 24,935 | Where Izuku works at a comic book shop because that’s as close to a hero as he’s gonna get, and Katsuki plays the part of heroic ex-boyfriend who is good at everything except winning Izuku back... maybe

Alternative Universe – Quirks

Get on my Level by Mikacrispy | 92,273 | Bakugou Katsuki is a Pro Hero whose boss demands him to take an intern. Midoriya Izuku is a UA student who needs an internship. When the two of them are put together, they learn about what it truly means to be a Hero and what it means to be in love.

A/B/O – Secret! Baby

Home by Emerald2402 | 87,214 | Midoriya Izuku left Japan in a rush, moving to America without a word to anyone else. But then almost 11 years later he arrives back Home and Bakugou Katsuki's Alpha is furious. Fuck that, Bakugou is furious, because Midoriya Izuku, an omega he tasted one time, has been keeping a very big, very blonde haired, green eyed secret.

Those Under the Same Stars by PerpetuallyPerturbed | 325,553 | When Katsuki Bakugo left Izuku Midoriya five years ago, he thought it was for forever. He put aside dreams and wishes of the omega to focus on his career. He was going to be the best hero, after all. He couldn't have an omega getting in his way. So when he's stopped on the streets one day by a pup begging for help for his mom, he isn't prepared to face what he gave up, and what the consequences of his actions were. (Quirkless Deku)

A/B/O – Quirks

Mark Me. Make Me Yours. by decadentbynature | 10,062 | Midoriya is the only Omega at UA and he's been hiding it well but there's one issue that threatens to expose him: his attraction to an Alpha, Bakugo. After being told to give some paperwork to Bakugo, Midoriya lets him into his dorm room and is immediately overwhelmed by his scent. Unable to help himself, he gives in to his urges, only to be discovered by Bakugo but instead of becoming enraged, Bakugo decides to give Midoriya exactly what he wants

Claim Me by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 114,449 | Being an Alpha has nothing to do with Katsuki's success as a Pro-Hero, the same way Deku's Omega status hasn't kept him from becoming Number Two. Secondary gender doesn't mean anything nowadays and “mating” is an antiquated practice. So when Izuku, his rival, asks Katsuki to Claim him in the middle of the night, there is only one logical thing to say. “What the fuck?”

Change of Plans by Mikacrispy | 185,965 | Alpha Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki never planned to get married to some random omega but what he wants isn't an option anymore. One for All wielder Midoriya Izuku has suffered injustice too many times and doesn't plan in allowing his secondary gender to dictate how he must live his life. Falling in love was never in the plans.

Going Feral For You by ANGIE_fic | 17,977 | Bakugou has an aggression problem that might have to do with his Alpha. His job is on the line because of it. So what do you do with a pent up Alpha? Yes.Rut. (Quirkless Izuku)

i live for you, i long for you by jeonjeonggukkkkkie | 19,165 | The five times Izuku hinted he wants Katsuki to spend his next heat with him, and the one time Katsuki took the hint.

Baby's First Bloom by ContraryBee | 44,945 | Izuku blooms for Katsuki one warm day in their third year of middle school. What follows is both boys learning about themselves, their bond, and the society they live in.

As Fate Would Have It by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 88,737 | Katsuki Bakugo had plenty of reasons why he wasn't mated yet, not that he was going to explain why to just anyone. But now, Ground Zero was running out of time. If he didn't find someone soon, he'd lose his position as a Pro-Hero and he'd never get to be #1. So, when he finds out there's a male Omega recently arrested for prostitution that's headed to prison if he too doesn't get a mate…well it must be fate. (Quirkless Izuku)

A/B/O – No Quirks

Gravity by warschach | 71,477 | Izuku is back in his hometown and plenty hasn't changed much from the 8 years he was gone. Except, Katsuki Bakugou, the alpha king of their small town. He's hotter- because that's fair, right, God? -, stronger, a now-famous pro fighter, and noticeably nicer this round.Not that he cares, pfft. (Fine, he cares.)

Nine Months by greatcloudninja | 23,303 | Omega Midoriya Izuku connects with Alpha Bakugou Katsuki through an online singles ad. Izuku pays Katsuki to help him with his heat, ending up pregnant in the process. What follows is a pregnancy filled with ups and downs, but whatever hurdles come their way, they can make it through together.

The long dark by Ominous-Anonymous (Ominonymous) | 13,289 | He could have been really dangerous. He could be a fucking murderer for all he knew. But Izuku Midoriya, ever the reckless daredevil, was not thinking of that when he got into a car with a complete stranger. Completely ignoring the part where his mother always taught him to never gets into cars with alphas he didn't know...

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Season 16 (Part 1)

Summary: After being captured by Michael while Dean was under his control, the reader has spent a very long time locked away waiting for someone to come and find her. When the day finally comes that the door opens, it’s not a familiar face she’s greeted with. Somehow the impossible is standing right in front of her but there’s no time to think about that. Something is terribly wrong and the reader needs the help of this strange young man if she wants to stop what Michael’s put in motion and have a chance at seeing Dean alive again...

Masterlist

Pairing: Dean x reader

Square: Free Space

Word Count: 3,600ish

Warnings: language, SPN season 15 and series spoilers, injury, mention of main character deaths, mention of torture, angst, fluff

A/N: This series takes place post season 15 and follows canon (i.e. if it happened in the show, it happened in this story’s universe). This series is told between the reader and Dean’s POV. This was also written for @supernatural-jackles​ Tell Me A Story bingo!

________

Reader’s POV

You just about had a heart attack when the door opened. It’d been such a long time since it’d been opened. Years and years and years. You’d lost track of the days quickly but it was long enough for you to accept that it’d been a very long time. Long enough to accept that when Michael took over Dean and threw you down in the windowless little room, Dean didn’t win that fight.

The only thing keeping you going aside from the spell Michael had put up to keep you permanently trapped, body stuck in time, was the desire to save Dean. Or what was left of him. You’d been alone for years, body having taken a beating by Michael when he first captured you. You were still covered in bruises, broken ribs that wouldn’t heal, pain in every breath. You didn’t sleep, didn’t eat. Solitude, cut off from the world, that was your main form of torture. Dean though...who knew what hell he was going through trapped with a psychopath like that for all these years.

You readied yourself, a dark figure walking inside the room. The room was pitch black to a certain point before you were trapped under a bright light you’d yet to figure out how to turn off. The figure stopped as their feet hit the brightness, a pair of brown boots and slim dark jeans all you could make out. They mumbled something and you felt the air shift slightly. You dared to reach at hand out to where the invisible wall keeping you trapped had been.

Your hand waved right on through it and you suddenly felt cool, clean air hit you. The person jolted when you sprang up, running away as you bolted for the door. You followed them up a flight of stairs and straight out into the foyer of a very nice house. You could see it was a man now and tackled him, straddling his hips and grabbing your knife from your waistband of your loose shorts, holding it to his throat. He breathed hard as you stared at him, cocking your head.

He was the spitting image of Dean. Mostly. His eyes weren’t green and there was something about his nose that reminded you of your own. The biggest tell of all though was the genuine fear in his face, the confusion. 

“What’s your name,” you said. You held up the knife for a moment and tucked it away when you saw he was only focused on it. The young man, no more than twenty years old, took a deep breath. You yelped when he threw his legs up and wrapped them around your waist, yanking you off of him. He scrambled to his feet but you were on his tail, grabbing at his jacket. He spun around and popped you in the face, sending you to the floor.

You whined and cupped your cheek, the young man frozen in the doorway with a horrified look on his face.

“Who punches their own mom!” you shouted. He ran out the door and you went after, growling at your bare feet as he took off down the gravel driveway. “I’m gonna find you!”

You stomped your foot on the cool concrete front path, glancing to your right and spotting a sports car. You jogged back inside and found a pair of women’s sneakers, a little too big but you tied them tight and found some keys on a front table. 

About two minutes later you were pulling up beside the guy on the road and hopped out of the car, the man running into the nearby treeline. You pulled out your knife and threw it, catching his jacket and pinning the sleeve to the tree trunk. He stumbled and fell down as you walked over, staring up with wide eyes. You sighed and ran a hand over your face. 

“Can you at least tell me your first name?” you asked. He shook his head and you crossed your arms. “I bet your name is Lyle, isn’t it.”

“How’d you know that?” he asked, voice a bit higher than Dean’s but it made you smile, something warm and familiar to it.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think recently. Lyle is my top name for a boy if I ever had one,” you said. “So. Lyle Winchester.”

“That’s not my name,” he said. He stood up and pulled out the knife, carefully holding it out to you.

“You look just like Dean and me. You’re my son...somehow,” you said.

“Fine. My name is Lyle and that’s all I can say about myself,” he said. “I’m serious.”

You recognized the tone, that edge to it, the roughness but laced with an undercurrent of worry. Part of you wanted him to tell you everything about him but you knew he couldn’t, instead letting yourself give him a simple nod.

“I’ll make you a deal Lyle. I won’t ask questions about you that you can’t answer if you tell me how and why you got me out of there and answer anything else I want to know about this little situation.”

“Or else what?” he scoffed.

“Or else someday when you’re a teenager I won’t let you do anything. Lyle.” You took the knife from him and put it away, taking a deep breath. You stepped back out to the road, leaning against the car. You shut your eyes, something heavy draped over you. You peeled one eye open, Lyle leaning back against the car next to you in a blue flannel and dark gray t-shirt. His black hooded jacket was over your shoulders and you slipped your arms through the sleeves, wrapping them around yourself. You squeezed your eyes tight, shuddering before warm arms embraced you, Lyle almost as tall as Dean holding you close to him. “How did you know I was down there?”

“I can’t answer that,” he said.

“What year is it?” you asked.

“2089.” You froze, staring up at him. “Well, 2089 where we are right now is.”

“Lyle. It was 2018 when Michael took me. That’s not possible.”

“I can’t answer that either.” Tears welled up in your eyes and he hugged you again. “Sorry.”

“Dean was thirty nine the last time I saw him and it’s seventy one years later? He is dead. Sam is dead. They’re all dead so explain to me how the fucking hell I have a son with Dean!” you shouted. You pushed him away and ran your hands over your face. “Years. Fucking years I’ve sat down there waiting for him to come and get me. Him or Sam or someone. Fucking seventy one years!”

“Y/N,” he said, sounding a bit awkward but he cleared his throat. “I can’t answer everything because I don’t know everything. But I exist and that should tell you something.”

You wiped off your face with his sleeve and looked around, turning back and staring at him.

“I’m at the start of whatever this is and you’re way down the line,” you said. He nodded with a slight smile.

“I don’t understand it but this, where I’m from, this has already happened to you.”

“You’re from the future then,” you said.

“Not exactly,” he said. 

“A different universe?” He looked at you like you were nuts and the air shifted, Lyle freezing. You turned and saw Jack, a smile on his face. “Jack?”

“Hi Y/N,” he said. He stepped over and gave you a big hug, a little bit of ache inside you easing finally. “Don’t worry about him. He’s just on pause.”

“Jack I don’t understand fucking anything. What’s going on?” you asked. He pursed his lips and sighed.

“Well you already figured out Lyle is your and Dean’s son. I didn’t think I could slip that one past you. But it had to be him that came and saved you.”

“Why?”

“Dean’s in heaven. Has been for 69 years.” You broke away from him feeling like you’d had a punch to gut and making you breathless. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that with the whole decades worth of trauma thing happening right now.”

“Did Michael…” you trailed off.

“No. A piece of rebar on a vamp hunt,” he said.

“He what?” you said.

“Yeah got pushed back on it. Sam was okay though. Oh and Dean had a dog for a few months.”

“Dean fucking died from that? That’s what kept him down?” you said. Jack nodded and you looked down, blinking your eyes. “Disregarding what is going on in my head right now about that, why didn’t you heal him? Or Castiel?”

“Well Cas was in heaven helping me rebuild after he sort of died and I brought him back. I kinda am the new God,” he said with a smile.

“I’m proud of that but again, why didn’t you come down here and heal Dean?”

“I’m sort of hands off in that regard,” he said. You were about to go off on him for that when it hit you.

“Jack how long have you known I was alive,” you said. 

“2020 when I took over, I got these extra-”

“You knew I was alive and  left me in a hole in the ground for over seventy years?” you said. 

“Like I said, I’m hands off,” he said. 

“I was your fucking mom! I took care of you! I protected you! I almost died for you more than once and when you find out I’m still alive you say fuck that bitch, she can deal with it on her own? What the fuck is wrong with you!” you shouted. You slapped him in the face, Jack pouting as you sank down to your knees. “I want Dean.”

“Y/N.”

“I want Dean and Sam.”

“Y/N-”

“I want Dean!”

“I can’t-”

“Fuck you! You’re as every bit as evil as that devil father of yours after all,” you said. You forced yourself to your feet, tears prickling in his eyes. “Oh did I hurt your feelings? Tough fucking shit! Do you realize that I have not only been stuck waiting for years but my body got stuck too. I’ve been sitting with broken ribs for seventy years. Every single breath excruciating.”

You yanked up your shirt, deep purple and black skin radiating across most of your abdomen. Jack reached out a hand and you moved back, dropping your shirt.

“I thought you were hands off. I don’t want your-” you said before warmth trickled through you, the pain gone, body feeling so strange at being without it. 

“I don’t have to touch to heal you,” he said quietly. He swallowed and bowed his head. “I tried to let people live their lives without my interference and sometimes they’re messy but I’ve come to realize recently that’s wrong. A bit of help here and there is good. It gives people hope and maybe I should have done things different.”

“My family’s dead and I don’t want to wait around decades more to see them again in heaven. You’re going to-”

“No I won’t. Lyle’s life counts on you doing exactly what you’re supposed to as do your two other children’s. I can’t just put you in heaven. You can’t die right and you have to wait to see Dean until things work themselves out. Lyle’s going to be with you for a while and help get some things settled. It’s already set in motion so go with it,” he said.

“Jack I want Dean. Please,” you said. “Please Jack. Just five minutes.”

“Would you rather have your family back in the near future, alive, or would you rather have your and Dean’s souls torn apart and you never see him again, dead or alive? Rather he over there doesn’t exist? Rather no one exists?”

“I didn’t say that. Of course I would rather have them back alive-“

“Then be patient.”

“Jack. You gotta give me something. Something please.”

“I’ll talk to Lyle, tell him he can loosen up some. But I can’t tell you what to do. You have to follow your gut. Listen to Lyle and it’ll work out,” said Jack. You squeezed your eyes shut, Jack carefully resting a hand on your shoulder. “Do you hate me?”

“I hate that our family was ripped apart. I hate that you didn’t tell the boys I was alive once you knew. I hate that the last time I saw Dean alive we argued. I think what I hate most of all is that you treated us like everyone else. We’re not, Jack. We’re your family. All of us deserved a chance at normal and we didn’t get it.”

“Sam did.”

“How many years did Sam live without us? Without his brother?” you asked. Jack glanced down and you nodded. “You said you became God? Why didn’t you get rid of the monsters altogether Jack. Don’t tell me you don’t have that power.”

“I thought...I thought it was the natural order.”

“Yet you know there are other universes with no monsters at all. You could have taken the monsters away. Shit turn them human for all I care. The boys didn’t have to keep hunting after you took over. You could have been hands off and changed that one fact and saved so many lives, improved so many lives.”

“No. I couldn’t have changed it. Not back then.”

“Why the hell not?” you asked. He pulled his hand away and you found yourself in some clean clothes, Lyle’s jacket folded on top of the car.

“Because when I became God, I learned a lot. It sucks knowing that certain things have to happen and that I had to ignore when Sam prayed to me in that barn because things had to happen this way.”

“But why?”

“Because if I didn’t, if I’d intervened then and there, this universe, all of the ones I’ve been busy rebuilding, the way I’ve been rebuilding heaven...it’d be gone. Destroyed and I wouldn’t be able to put it back. It’s a temporary pain even if it doesn’t seem like it. So please, Y/N, please, listen to Lyle. Work with him. It’ll work out and things can be okay. You can have everything you ever wanted and more. You can have the freaking apple pie life and the no monsters and all of it but please understand you have more shit to go through first and whatever happens, do not let Lyle die.”

“He’s my son. I wouldn’t let that happen to him,” you said. Jack nodded and you grabbed his arm when he turned to leave. “You’ve grown up Jackie.”

“I’m still a baby by God standards,” he said.

“The guys take care of you after I was gone?” you asked. 

“Yeah. I missed you though,” he said. “I accidentally killed Mary and sort of lost my soul for a bit. Things got bad for a while.”

“Do you see Kelly in heaven sometimes? Mary?” you asked. He nodded and you smiled. “Kids can fuck up and your parents will forgive you.”

“I’m sorry it has to be this way, Y/N. If I could snap my fingers to fix it all, stop it from ever happening, I would.”

“I’m going to trust that it had to be this way,” you said. “But give me a ballpark figure here. When do I get the guys back?”

“That’s relative. You’re going to end up breaking the space time continuum so it’s hard to answer that correctly.” You stared at him and he shrugged. “Not too long. A few days at most. I promise.”

“Wait is that how we have a twenty year old son?” you asked.

“Yes. The next time you see Dean he’ll be younger than the last you saw him. Just trust your gut and Lyle. Next time I see you I hope things are much better,” he said. You opened your mouth but he disappeared. You shook your head and turned around, Lyle now wearing his jacket, standing closer to the passenger seat door. For a long while you both simply stared, Lyle looking as if he’d just had his own long conversation with Jack. 

“You can call me Y/N if that makes it easier,” you said. He nodded and you took a deep breath, going to the driver’s side. “So. What’s the next move?”

“Jack just said after I got you out we had to go to Lebanon. He didn’t tell me anything more than that,” he said.

“Any idea where we are?” you asked.

“San Antonio,” he said. “So we go North?”

“Yeah,” you said quietly. “Mind taking the first shift driving? I sort of haven’t slept in like seventy years.”

“No that’s fine,” he said. He walked around the front and you made your way to the passenger side, climbing in and sighing. He got behind the wheel and took a deep breath. “You and dad run a construction business.”

“That’s nice,” you said, smiling to yourself. “Dean’d be real good at that kind of thing. He’s really smart.”

“I know. Most guys can’t call up their dad for help on their architecture homework,” he said. 

“You go to college?” you asked, Lyle nodding. “Do you know about...this stuff?”

“I’m still not convinced I’m not insane. I just got home on a friday night. We had dinner and everyone went outside to have a bonfire in the backyard. I went in to use the bathroom and Uncle Jack stopped me before I could get back outside. He said a lot of crazy stuff I didn’t believe but the fact you were in that basement...you and dad are only like forty but you’re obviously too old right now to have had me when that would have made sense and Uncle Jack said space and time is gonna break and-”

“Lyle,” you said, holding up a hand. “Relax. I just want to know, do you know what hunting is?”

“Dad doesn’t go hunting,” he said, narrowing his eyes. You smiled and nodded to yourself. “We don’t even own a gun.”

“I doubt that. But that must mean that something happens to the monsters along the way too.”

“What do you mean monsters? And why were you kidnapped in a basement? And what the fuck is going on? You’re supposed to be my mom that runs the family business and you kick ass in your soccer league in the summer and you can’t cook to save your life and that’s okay cause you’re really good at baking and pies and shit and I just don’t understand who you really are.” His face was flush, eyes fighting back tears. You smiled, reaching over and cupping his cheek.

“You’re a good guy Lyle. We obviously did something right,” you said, wiping away a stray tear that fell. “It’s scary. It’s really scary. I’m not your mom yet but I will be someday. I promise I will tell you everything you don’t know when I catch up to your time. Dean and I will. But we need to go to Lebanon and the faster we can go there and figure out what we have to do, the faster we can get you back home where you belong.”

“But can’t you-”

“This world isn’t safe, Lyle. It is very unsafe for a Winchester especially. Please drive now,” you said. You put on your seatbelt and he closed his eyes. “Please.”

“I was supposed to be having a smore right now,” he said.

“I know. But saving the world is kinda cool,” you said. 

“I don’t want to save the world. I want to go home and not see my mom be beat to shit. I want my dad to go back to teasing me at dinner and not being dead,” he said. 

“If we do this right, you can go back to that really soon. It hasn’t happened for me yet. We can talk all about this when you come back. The night you come back we can talk through it all. But we have to get going. The sooner we go, the sooner it goes back to normal.”

“It’ll never be normal again.”

“Yes it will. I promise.”

“How do you-“

“Because I just had this really bad thing happen to me but someday I’m going to have you and everything I ever wanted with Dean. So it sucks right now but it’ll be better eventually. I know it will. You’re here so I know it’ll be normal.” He nodded and wiped off his face, starting the car up again.

“Y/N. Are you okay after...you know...being down there beat up all that time?”

“Not really,” you said. He took off his jacket and handed it to you. You stared before he rolled his eyes, laying it over your front.

“Sleep. I can drive.”

“Lyle.”

“Y/N. Rest. It’s safe. I got this.”

“You take after your dad.”

“Take after someone else too,” he said. You smiled and nodded, resting your head on your shoulder, closing your eyes. “I’ll wake you up for breakfast.”

“Egg and-”

“Cheese on a biscuit, two breakfast burritos, extra hot sauce and a small hot latte.”

“At least my road trip order didn’t change,” you said, quickly relaxing and falling asleep for the first time in ages.

_______

A/N: Read part 2 here!

[permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88]

thanks so much for the tag, @gauntletgirlie and @wowstrawberrycow!! let's see...

what's the origin of your blog title? a friend from my old job working night shift showed me an image with the caption 'I'm not an early bird, or a night owl. I'm some form of permanently exhausted exhausted pigeon.', and it encompassed my vibe so much while making the transition from working normal business hours to working overnight, that it just...stuck?

favorite fandoms: the rings of power/the hobbit/lord of the rings

OTP(s) + shipname: so this may be a bit 'cringe' or 'lame', but I've always been far more of a shipper of any OCs I've created and the canon character I've paired them with in my stories, than I have been for pre-existing 'canon' ships. as such, I feel absolutely compelled to share that my current OTP is affectionately named 'Tilbrand' (Tilda and Halbrand/Sauron from several of my WIPs for RoP). (credit for the ship name goes to @ruralnorth)

favorite color: turquoise, purple, certain shades of pink

favorite game: lord of the rings risk or lord of the rings trivial pursuit?? does that count? (literally never owned a gaming system in my life)

song stuck in your head: Indigo, Sam Barber, Avery Anna

weirdest habit/trait? lately, I can turn the plot of almost any other tv show/book...literally any of them...into a potential Rings of Power AU

hobbies: writing, reading, watching the same show over and over and over again because I'm unhinged and obsessed...😅, baking, trying new crock-pot recipes

if you work, what's your profession? pharmacist, turned quality assurance analyst for pharmacy software

if you could have any job you wish what would it be? honestly, there's still a part of me, foolish as that part may be, that still wants to be a surgeon, even though I allowed my parents to shoe-horn me into pursuing a pharmacy degree instead. given I'm 36, dealing with cancer and a multitude of doctor's appts, though, I'm thinking that one will just have to remain a dream unachieved.

something you're good at: turning the overly active imagination that I was always criticized for as a kiddo into creativity via writing, using that writing as stress-relief

something you're bad at: jumping to the worst case scenario (thanks, anxiety), falling back on self-deprecating humor far too much, insanely negative self-talk, imposter syndrome

something you love: discussing story plots with fellow writers, and hearing their ideas for their own works, in turn

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: Rings of Power/The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings, fanfiction, music (specifically movie soundtracks), WIPs

something you hate: hate is a rather strong word, and I feel like I stray towards potential hypocrisy here, as I've been guilty of being several of these things over the years (though I'm working towards changing this), but...judgmental people. People whose mode of operation includes self-righteous spiels to make themselves seem 'above' everyone else. Those who can talk the talk, but can't walk the walk. People who look for any reason at all to hate on something/someone. Those who refuse to live and let live, even if the actions/behavior/simple existence of whatever/whoever they're up in arms about really has no impact on their day to day life at all.

something you collect: owls. figurines, stuffies, calendars, you name it.

something you forget: that I am deserving of the very same acceptance and grace I always try to give to everyone else. that no matter how I was raised, or what events may have "confirmed" my own perceived inferiority over the years, I am a human being that deserves the same basic considerations/rights that all other human beings have on this earth. I am not 'less than', no matter how much the voice in my head tries to convince me otherwise.

what's your love language? hmm, never really thought of this one in too much depth before, since I'm pretty much a loner. but if I had to pick, I'd say quality time.

favorite movie/show: probably not a huge surprise at this point, but the entirety of The Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit/The Rings of Power. comfort movies/show without question!

favorite food: nachos

favorite animal: dogs, owls

are you musical? back in the day, I was, playing the clarinet in band from 6th grade, through sophomore year in college. marching band, symphony band, and jazz band! singing is something I'll do on occasion, too, but never in front of a crowd unless they're singing too, to drown out the potential for my voice sounding horrid (to this day, I'm not sure if it is horrid or not, because I will not sing by myself in front of any audience.)

what were you like as a child? quiet, shy, awkward, more often than not lost daydreaming of whatever situation my imagination conjured for that particular moment. some people apparently thought this made me "stuck up" or just plain "weird", so they avoided me, but for those who broke through the shell, I never shut up 😅

favorite subject at school? chemistry, biology, english literature, band

least favorite subject? math

what's your best character trait? sense of humor (?) when it's not self-deprecating, tolerant (though this can be a negative, too, when it leads me to be too accepting of sub-par treatment)

what's your worst character trait? tendency to over-analyze everything, thanks to a history of dealing with gaslighting and passive aggressive behaviors, silent treatments, having to 'read the room' and 'anticipate moods' so much that it's my gut-punch reaction to the slightest shift in tone/demeanor. often trending towards the negative with this, always assuming I've "done something wrong" or that I'm "in trouble", and over-apologizing for things that really don't require apologies

if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? make the day longer, or not require as much sleep. sometimes there are too many things I want/need to accomplish in the day, and not enough time to do them (preaching to the choir there, I fear)

if you could travel in time who would you like to meet? it would be great to meet my grandpa (mom's side) when he was younger. we would've had so much to talk about, even then, and more time together.

recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!): it absolutely has to be 'All In' by @ruralnorth. I mean, all of her stories are phenomenal, but this one is just so detailed, and character driven, and beautiful, and there's already a sequel in planning stages as well!

absolutely no pressure tags: @themareverine, @ruralnorth, @bigblissandlove1, @orehuna, @oh-great-authoress, @ohno-elrond, @lady-wyrd, and anyone else who wants to join!

Get to know your Mutuals

Thanks for the tag @perlen-gold, even though I’m just an unhinged follower obsessed with your writing 🙈 I started my own chain so your original post wouldn’t get too long.

What's the origin of your blog's title? My thirst for Adar and the gauntlet kink he inspired.

Favorite Fandoms: I have a lot, but The Silmarillion/The Lord of the Rings/The Rings of Power are my main ones I always fall back on.

OTP(s) + shipname: I’m a self shipper so me + whomever I’m obsessed with (currently Melkor, Adar, and Gil-galad) but also more recently:

Melkor x Mairon (Angbang)

Adar x Celebrimbor (Silverscars)

Favorite color: Orange (also partial to purple and dark green).

Favorite game: Hero Quest (I’m not a console gamer. Though I did enjoy watching my husband play Horizon Zero Dawn).

Song stuck in your head: Dog Days (Are Over) by Florence and The Machine.

Weirdest habit/trait? Oh boy, where to begin… I make random noises, I meep like Beaker to songs, laugh at my own jokes… I’m just a weird person altogether folks.

Hobbies: Writing, visiting places of historical interest, I also used to be an avid reader but then motherhood robbed me of my energy and concentration. I listen to audiobooks more now.

If you work, what's your profession? I write scientific reports and run data tables for an Early Drug Development CRO, which is as fun as it sounds. I’m also a mother. Everything you’ve heard about motherhood is true and also a lie.

If you could have any job you wish what would it be? I would be rich enough not to need to work 🤷🏻‍♀️ or working on a petting farm would be cute.

Something you're good at: Berating myself. Encouraging others/being a cheerleader. Also writing, I hope 🙈

Something you're bad at: Most things, but especially anything requiring mathematics or physical exercise.

Something you excel at: Being a silly goose 😏thirsting over fictional characters 🙈 and raging at injustices. Erm, I think that’s about it. How tragic for me 😂

Something you love: The community I’ve found here on Tumblr 🫶🏼 period dramas, Dracula, and tattoos (I have none of my own… yet).

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: Mormonism, The Wars of the Roses, the people I love.

Something you hate: Injustice, mayonnaise, and corsets improperly portrayed in period drama.

Something you collect: Cuddly toy bats, and more characters to thirst over (I need help).

Something you forget: That motherhood is difficult so to give myself more grace.

What's your love language? I don’t adhere to love languages, but I guess genuine connection over similar interests, banter/in-jokes.

Favorite movie/show: Aaahhh don’t make me choose! It’s always changing.

Favorite food: Galaxy Cookie Crumble, Mini Eggs, Yorkshire puddings, and pizza.

Favorite animal: Bats 🦇

Are you musical? I can hold a tune and I played flute as a kid, otherwise sadly no.

What were you like as a child? Intelligent, saw everything in black and white, more artistic, more outgoing.

Favorite subject at school? History and art.

Least favorite subject? Maths and PE.

What's your best character trait? I like to think I’m kind and understanding.

What's your worst character trait? I can be so incredibly lazy.

If you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? More sleep. Always more sleep.

If you could travel in time who would you like to meet? Bram Stoker. I’d also love to meet my mum as a young woman, I think we would have had fun.

Recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!):

Come by @perlen-gold (Angbang)

Of Convenience by @greenleaf4stuff (Silverscars)

Last but not least, show your favorite fanart of your favorite character(s) (please remember to credit/add links!):

Melkor/Morgoth

Adar

Gil-Galad (TROP)

No pressure tags for @greenleaf4stuff, @valar-did-me-wrong, @strifes13, @wowstrawberrycow, @iwanderbecauseimlost, @withallthatisleftofmyheart, @calmlyy-chaotiic, @margauxmara, @varda-starqueen, @saffronstories, @gingeragenda, @gracefallingart, @dwarveslikeshinythings, @whenimaunicorn, @permanentlyexhaustedpigeon88 and anyone else who would like to play! Sorry if I missed anyone.

[marauderundercover]

Taking Chances Chapter 9: Heroes and Villains (Discovery)

Prev

AO3

It wasn’t the toughest akuma that they had ever faced. But even with both of them fighting, it took too long. So long that her family was sure to be suspicious. Despite the fact that she just wanted to portal back to the hotel where there would be far fewer questions, she knew she didn’t have that luxury.

“Kaalki, if I ask to go to an empty room in the manor, can you do that? I don’t wanna pop out of nowhere. I’m already dreading the questions we’re gonna get about Adrien disappearing.” Marinette asks the kwami, rolling her eyes at Adrien’s annoyed huff.

“If you had just taken me with you to begin with-”

“To the bathroom? Adrien, I know you’re not the best with social situations but even you know that’s weird, right? And besides, there’s no way Dick would’ve let you follow me. He’s hovered every time we’ve been alone.” Marinette reminds him, crossing her arms.

“We were bonding over humor!” Adrien argues.

“Sure! But I still-”

“Ladybug, I can do it. As entertaining as all of this is, the Wayne family should not be kept waiting.” Kaalki reminds her, a small smirk on their face. Marinette’s eye twitches at the reminder of her family. Okay. One problem at a time.

“Okay. I’m trusting you. Tikki, Kaalki unify. Voyage!” Marinette calls, grabbing Adrien’s hand and stepping through the portal. She glances around the room, frowning as she looks at everything. None of it made sense. It looked kind of what she would imagine from-

“Is this the Batcave?” Adrien asks, mouth wide in shock as he slowly turns in a circle.

“Kaalki, dismount.” Marinette says, glaring at the kwami the second they’re visible again. “Care to explain what’s going on?”

“You asked to go to an empty room in the manor. I simply took you to the most famous room. It truly is a crime that you’ve never been in here before.” Kaalki hums, zipping around the space.

“I’ve only been to the manor twice! And this is in the manor? Does Batman work for Mr. Wayne?” She asks, desperately trying to figure out the situation.

“LB, what if he is Batman?” Adrien asks, making her pale.

“He’d figure me out so quickly. Oh god, what are we gonna do? He’s gonna kick me out of the family and I was just starting to be able to breathe around them and think about the fact that they are my family and now I’m going to go back to being an only child and even though Dick can be annoying and I haven’t really talked a lot to the others I really wanted to get to know them and now I’ll never get the chance because I’m a failed superhero who can’t even defeat one measly villain and he’s gonna take away my Miraculous and then he’s gonna be Ladybug but then it’ll be weird and he’ll hate me even more because red is not his color but he’ll be stuck in red because that’s what Paris is used to for the Ladybug costume and we don’t want them to go into shock when I’m replaced and-”

“Who the fuck are you?” A voice asks, clearly angry. Marinette winces and turns, eyes wide when she notices the actual (REAL) gun in Jason’s hands.

“We’re not meant to be here. There was a mistake with transportation and-” Marinette starts, stumbling over her words as she tries not to panic even more.

“Likely story. Don’t fucking move. I’m calling Batman.” Jason says, glaring at the two before pulling out his phone. “Hey B, there’s a situation in the cave. Intruders. No, I have no fucking clue how they got in here. Yeah, there’s two of them. No, no it’s not them. Yeah well I kinda can’t fucking interrogate them by myself now can I?” There’s a pause. “Yeah no, not wearing that. Yeah thanks for that. Well I didn’t- Just get over here.”

“So is Batman coming?” Adrien asks, the excitement clear on his face. Marinette looks at him in annoyance. She loved the boy but sometimes, he had no sense of self preservation.

“Yeah, Batman’s coming. Why the fuck are you here?” Jason asks, the angry look on his face not matching the personality she had seen every other time she’d seen him.

“Why are we here? Why are you here?” Adrien asks, poking. Jason’s eyes narrow and his glare gets darker.

“We’re here to ask Batman for help with a situation.” Marinette blurts, shifting so that she’s slightly in front of Adrien since he kept saying things that were pissing Jason off. Jason frowns.

“Why do you need help from Batman?” He asks.

“Ladybug, Chat Noir. I’ll admit I didn’t expect to see either of you here.” A gruff voice states, walking towards them. Marinette’s eyes widen. Holy vigilante, that's Batman. And he’s not looking at her as a civilian who could be scared. Nope. Now he’s looking at her as a fellow hero and possible intruder. Oh this should be fun.

“Monsieur Batman. I apologize for our intrusion. I meant to bring us to Gotham, to speak with you, but I must have messed up. I’m truly sorry for appearing in your home like this.” She says, extending her hand for a handshake. Batman glances down at her hand, seeming to hesitate for a moment before reaching out and shaking her hand.

“As long as you are here, we might as well talk about the Paris situation. It has recently come to my attention and I’m concerned about the possibility of death in your city.” Batman says, getting straight to business.

“I’m sorry, what the actual fuck is happening in Paris? And why haven’t I heard anything about it? Actually, why hasn’t anyone heard about a situation in Paris?” Jason asks, actually glaring at Batman.

“It doesn’t concern you, Mr. Todd. You may leave now. We’ll have our meeting another time.” Batman says, his tone firm.

“The hell it doesn’t. My baby sister lives in Paris, and I’d be damned if I left her alone in some kind of hellscape where apparently there’s the possibility of a lot of death. Now can someone tell me what is going on in Paris?” Jason yells, his eyes blazing as he glares at Batman. Marinette blinks at her brother, shocked at his reaction. Did he really care that much?

“It’d probably be easier to show you. Do you mind?” Adrien asks, gesturing to the computer. Batman stiffens.

“I’ll pull it up. I’m sure you’re referring to the videos of previous fights. I have them in a folder.” He says, walking over and hitting several buttons. Before long, a video is pulled up on the gigantic screen. A video of the fight against Syren. Of course he had to choose one of the most dangerous akumas. Instead of watching the screen, Marinette watches her brother’s reactions. Flinching slightly as she hears his knuckles crack from how tightly he’s clenching his fists.

“How long has this been going on?” He asks simply, his voice much darker than she’d ever heard.

“Almost two years.” Marinette responds, frowning at him. She hadn’t known him long, and she knew it would be stupid as Ladybug, but Marinette wanted to hug her older brother. He looked pissed, sure, but underneath the initial anger, she could see the worry. And how unsure he was. She couldn’t be certain that all of the worry was aimed at her or the Paris situation, but she knew at least some of it was. And she felt bad for making him worry like that.

“And where has the Justice League been?” He asks Batman, almost snarling.

“There’s no lasting damage.” Marinette says. “Even if the Justice League had shown up, they couldn’t have done anything that Chat or I couldn’t. My power is to erase the damage, and death, done during our battles. So Monsieur Batman, you don’t have to worry about the possible death either. I assure you both, it’s fine. We could use assistance to figure out Hawkmoth’s identity though.” Marinette says, trying to move the subject away from death and injury and the rougher parts of akuma battles.

“I don’t give a damn if the damage isn’t lasting. You remember, right?” Jason asks. Marinette hesitates.

“Well, yes. But the akumatized victims don’t and-”

“No. See, I don’t care about the akumatized victims right now either. I care about the amount of death and destruction and pain my sister has had to deal with alone. What about the people who die, Ladybug? Do they remember that they died? Do they wake up after drowning or burning or being crushed to death and just be told to be thankful that it wasn’t permanent? Or do they get to forget too?” Jason asks through clenched teeth. Marinette stops, thinking of all the times buildings have fallen on her. The times she's watched friends die. The time Tikki had to take the earrings and Marinette woke up after the battle, still able to feel the metal in her chest. The time she saw a world draped in white, only one other person left in the entire world. She thinks of these times, and she sighs.

"No. They don't forget." She says, biting back the wave of emotion threatening to push her under. She can't. She has to focus. She can't break right now.

"Then I don't care about the rest of Paris. What are you doing to protect Marinette Dupain Cheng?" He asks, crossing his arms and staring her down. She blinks. She gets that he's worried, as her brother, but why would they have special protection for one person? She's about to ask when Batman speaks up instead.

"No worries, Mr. Todd. My team and I have been made aware and have prepared a security detail for Miss Dupain Cheng once she returns to Paris." Batman says simply. Marinette's eyes widen. No. Oh no. No, no, no, she can't be watched! How's she supposed to protect Paris if an American superhero and his team are stalking her to make sure she's safe?

"As a former Miraculous wielder, Marinette is already under our protection." She lies, ignoring the shocked look Adrien is giving her.

"I'm sorry, what? Former- She was a hero?!" Jason yells, the panic clear on his face.

"Yes, but she was compromised so she doesn't work with us anymore." Marinette says, hoping to calm him down. It doesn't work.

"She was compromised! And you abandoned her? What the hell is wrong with you?" He yells as he starts to pace the room.

"Mr. Todd, it might be best if you-" Batman starts, holding his hands up placatingly.

"I don't wanna fucking hear it, B. You might be okay with watching a bunch of kids run around in costumes and have near death experiences but I'm not watching it. Not again. Now whatever this meeting is can wait, because my sister is currently missing and Batman over here needs to go find her. Because we need to wrap her in some goddamned bubble wrap because apparently this family is a fucking trouble magnet. And if you two are going to be in Gotham, then you can go help look for her too." Jason says, turning and starting to storm off. He pauses and turns back to the group of heroes- vigilantes?- "And her friend Adrien. I'm not sure how we'll fund him, stupid magic light thingy. But Marinette's gonna be pissed if she gets back and her boy toy is missing." He turns and actually leaves this time. Marinette turns to Batman and raises an eyebrow. A silent question on what the next step is. Batman frowns.

"As much as I dislike taking orders from civilians, he's right. Mr. Wayne asked my team to look for Miss Dupain Cheng. I assume the two of you will stay to help." He says. Marinette shakes her head.

"Unfortunately, we're going to have to leave. But we'll be in contact." Marinette says with a quick smile before calling Kaalki's transformation and creating a portal. Repeatedly thinking 'unused bedroom in Wayne manor, she steps through without waiting for a response from Batman, tugging Adrien along. Glancing around, she sighs in relief when she realizes the Kwami didn't take them to another secret lair.

"That was intense." Adrien says, dropping his transformation.

"I need extra Camembert after that disaster." Plagg says with a smirk. Marinette drops her transformation, stifling a giggle at the annoyed look on Tikki’s face.

"It wouldn't have been a disaster if you hadn't convinced Kaalki to do that!" She says angrily. Marinette’s previous humor instantly disappears and she turns to Plagg.

"Plagg, what is she talking about?" She asks, glaring at the Kwami.

"Now, pigtails, don't do anything rash, but the Batcave was my idea." He blurts out.

"I take offense to that. I brought them there!" Kaalki exclaims with a pout.

"Yeah, but I'm the one who found out. And told you and Sugar Cube." Plagg counters making Kaalki roll their eyes.

"Oh puhlease, you wouldn't have known what it was if I hadn't followed you." They say, chin high in the air.

"So apparently Batman is looking for us. What're the odds Mr. Wayne is just working for Batman and not actually Batman himself?" Marinette asks, giving Adrien a hopeful look.

"I think they're the same odds that no one in your family will ask questions about where we were." He says with a shrug. Marinette groans.

"I can't believe my dad is Batman." She drops her head into her hands, taking a moment to breathe before a thought pops into her head.

"Do you think my brothers are the rest of them? Oh god. Damian is totally Robin, and Tim is Red Robin. Which would make Jason Red Hood 'cause Nightwing's hair is completely black. Oh my god. I'm in a family of vigilantes!" She groans, huffing in annoyance.

"What's so bad about that? They'll be even more likely to help us find Hawkmoth." Adrien says, still looking on the bright side.

"That's if they let me out of their sight. You heard Jason, and Mr. Wayne. They want to put a security detail on me and they think I'm a civilian! What’re they gonna do when they realize I’m a superhero too?” Marinette moans, various situations running through her head. She takes a few steadying breaths to try and stave off the panic. They won’t find out, right?

---

Jason kicks a chair he walks past, mumbling under his breath. Bruce hadn’t acted surprised or anything, so apparently he already knew about the situation. Knew and didn’t say shit to anyone else. Of course he did. Jason would’ve cared a few days ago, sure he would’ve. But now he cares. Because now his tiny sister is in danger and he’d be damned if he let her go back to Paris without protection. Hell, he’ll go with if he has to. Anything to keep her safe. To stop her from dying. Or, dying again. And apparently she was a hero in Paris at some point. And she was compromised. And then abandoned. What a pile of shit. Huffing in frustration, he resists the urge to run back to the cave and start shooting. Instead he walks towards his room to grab the keys he’d thrown in there earlier when he got to the manor for dinner. Turning the corner, he freezes in shock when he sees Marinette and Adrien standing there, Adrien gently patting her back as she looks close to panicked.

“Marinette!” Jason calls, running towards her and sweeping her up in a big hug. He didn’t want to let her go. If he let her go, she’d go back to Paris. She’d have to deal with a supervillain and death and horrible things. She was too young for that. He, of all people, would know.

“Jay. Can’t breathe. Please.” She chokes out. Jason lets her down, then glares at her.

“Where the hell have you been? I thought you were going to the bathroom?” He asks, frowning as she grows even paler.

“Uh, er, I was?” She says, sounding more like a question. He narrows his eyes.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

“Yes?” She asks, eye twitching. Jason sighs.

“If you don’t wanna tell me Pixie Pop, you don’t have to. But you are gonna have to tell B.” He says.

“Batman?!” She shrieks, eyes wide. Jason shakes his head, panic welling up.

“No, why- B’s what I call Bruce. Why would you think I was talking about Batman?” He asks, gesturing wildly.

“Because that’s what you called Batman on the phone!” She counters, freezing the second the words are out of her mouth.

“Wait, what? When did you-” Jason stops, a horrible feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. No. She can’t.

“Wait no, I- oh crap.” She mumbles, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“You’re Ladybug.” Jason says, his ears ringing as he looks down at his sister. Well fuck.

---

Dick sighs, turning around in a circle as he looks at the closing shops around him. Where could Marinette have gone? Why did she leave? If she was overwhelmed they would have driven her back to her hotel. She didn’t have to try and walk back by herself. Especially this late. And in Gotham of all places. His phone ringing tugged him from his thoughts and he answered without even looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?” He says, trying hard to push down the worry and focus on the phone call.

”Hey Dick. I found them.” Jay says, sounding tired. Dick lets out a sigh of relief.

“Where were they?” He asks.

”In the manor. Look, I think we all need to have a talk. You should probably come home. And grab Replacement and Demon Spawn on the way back.” Jason says. Dick frowns. How were they in the manor? They all looked in the manor, they were not there.

“Okay, yeah. On my way.” Dick says instead. This should be interesting.

---

Marinette tries to ignore the burning stare from Jason as she grips onto Adrien’s hand. This could be a huge mistake, but it could also help them find Hawkmoth. And take him down for good. The idea of that is too great to give up. So no matter how much it makes her want to puke with nerves, she’d tell her family the truth. That she’s Ladybug. She was sure they’d understand, being the infamous Batfamily and everything.

“Sorry about that, Timmy insisted on grabbing some coffee on the way back. Where’s B?” Dick asks, and Marinette winces at the nickname. Why her brothers thought it was a good idea to call Mr. Wayne ‘B’ as both Batman and Bruce Wayne was beyond her. They’d had secret identities much longer (though after today she wasn’t sure how).

“Now that we are all here, could you explain why you insisted on this meeting, Jason?” Mr. Wayne asks, sat in the same chair he’d been in when the evening had first started. Marinette glances around at her siblings, smiling softly back at Cass who seemed to be trying to reassure her without signing or saying anything.

“Marinette is Ladybug.” Jason blurts out, instead of dropping the bomb slowly like they’d discussed. Silence. Just as Mr. Wayne opens his mouth, Marinette blurts out:

“Yeah, well you’re the Batfamily!” Oops.

Next

Tag List: @maribat-bdbwm @vixen-uchiha @stainedglassm @liquid-luck-00 @jayjayspixiepop @jjmjjktth @mizzy-pop @trippingovermyfeet @queenz-z @thepaceperson @iloontjeboontje @waiting247 @laurcad123 @toodaloo-kangaroo @ritacrow-blog @deathssilentapproach-blog @kittenmywaythrulife @nerd-nowandforever @when-no-wings-do-broomsticks @imarivers8 

[monochromemedic]

I had been stuck in the Dark World for who knows how long. The days didn’t seem to matter down here. No sun, no moon, just the vibrant green grid that coated the sky that would twitch and surge with occasional frequency.  When I first got here, I fought hard to get back to the surface, to fight for any sense of normalcy, for home but after a while the dream began to fade. The options began to run dry when compared to the dangers that surrounded me. And so I settled. I survived. I searched for food, begged for shelter from kind Darkners. I did what I had to to live. The Queen was not an option. Whispers from Darkners told me how I was just what she was looking for, that would help her expand her reign to the Light World. As much as that would probably help me, I didn’t want to ruin the lives of others for the chance to see my family, as much as I missed them with every passing minute. The sound of bustling cars and the blinding lights of neon signs stung my senses, my palms pressing into my eyes to drown out what I could. Damn it this place never slept did it? There was always something, some sort of noise. Whatever bags I had under my eyes were probably made cartoonishly drastic with the lack of pure rest I was getting. ‘Supose it was better then being dead... My body felt heavy, and I knew I’d have to find a place to rest or I’d fall asleep mid crossing of a road and get run over by one of those goofy cars I’d seen. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad... I recalled the time one of the car’s rear bumped into a fire hydrant (or at least I thought it was) and made a squeaking sound. The darkness of a certain alley called to me, the silence a sweet lullaby to the roaring around me. Was it dangerous? Oh yeah. Was it stupid? No shit. Was I going to do it? The shadows the engulfed me were perfect and if it wasn’t for the underlying stench of garbage it’d probably be ideal. Still beggars couldn’t be choosers and if tonight was good enough I would have to consider having this as my permanent sleeping spot. My back slid against the cool wall across from the dumpster, eyes half lidded as they read the advertisements littering above. Why the hell did the Queen have ads anyway, if she wanted she could monopolize any products she wanted... Despite the quiet I couldn’t shake the feeling that creeped down my spine. The presence of something other then myself around me. I tried to close my eyes, I was in the city after all. It’d be concerning if I didn’t feel like people were one second from crawling up my ass. Though I had to admit I didn’t expect to actually feel something begin to touch me. My eyes snapped open, elbow prodding into a blurry shape that yelped and tumbled backward, it’s grasp my on shoulder tearing a hole in my already worn shirt in the struggle. “Hey! What the hell?!” I barked, standing over the perpetrator. My shoulders slumped when I saw what looked to be a doll staring up at me with wide eyes, an over exaggerated smile permanently spread across it’s face. The creature’s jaw opened wider with a clack, it’s small body shooting upwards to stand on it’s small pointed feet. “WOAH WOAH WOAHAH- [Live worms]!”   The darkner’s voice was deafeningly loud, a shrill tone that cut the air like newly sharpened blades. “ I THOUGHT YOU WERE [Roadkill]. NICE TO KNOW I WON’T BE [Sleeping with the fishes] T0NIGHT!!” Well he had a certain way of speaking that was obvious. What the hell was going on with him, he talked like he was constantly being cut of random clips of other people speaking. He talked like a youtube poop or any other shitpost that would randomly shove memes into them for a quick laugh. “You thought I was dead? I was just... I was... uh.” I looked around me, eyeing the dirt and debris. “I was... going to sleep... here.”  Dammit, telling people I had to sleep in such ratty places were always a blow to the ego but I suppose it was better then saying ‘Oh I was just sitting down here to die’ The puppet shook his head and waltzed over to the dumpster, his small hand smacking the side with a sense of pride. “ [Finders keepers, losers weepers] HUMAN, YOU PICKED A GOOD SPOT. TOO BAD [so sadd] I GOT HERE FIRST. THOUGH FOR A DEAL I SUPPOSE I COULD [Share the love~]” “Got here first... what are you talking about?” The Darkner let out a laugh, distorted echoes filling the air as he leapt inside, a solitary hand popping out to beg me to come closer. This was a terrible idea, but despite my best judgement I followed, and witnessed what I could only describe to be a makeshift bed inside.  The puppet laid on top of musty mats and raggedy rugs, a single stained pillow resting just beneath his head. My god was he living in here? The creature continued his laugh, lurching only a few inches away from my face. “ [Sweet deal] ISN’T IT? J3ALOUS, [baby]?”  I shirked back, cheeks reddening at the tone of his last word. I was most defiantly not jealous, in fact I was filled with remorse, something his pride did not help with. “It’s... uh something. I guess this means I’ll have to find another alleyway um, sorry for bothering you-” “SPAMTON.” “What?” His hand shot out towards my chest, fingers wiggling for a handshake. “SP-SPA MTON G SPAMTON, [Number 1 rated salesmen 1997]” He announced, an extra flair of bravado laced his titled. His hand was surprisingly warm for what it was made of but nothing that would be described as body temperature.  “Jenna. Also 1997.” “WHAT A YEAR. LISTEN LIGHT nER, I AM DEALSMAN [yes/no?]” “Um... y-yes? I don’t-” “THEN LET ME MAKE A DEAL YEAH? FOR ONLY [many] KROMER, YOU MAY STAY IN MY [Privately owned] ALLEY. IT’S A REAL [steal] YOU’RE ROBBING ME [deaf] HERE!” My brows furrowed as I searched his face for any context clues for what the hell he was trying to say. Kromer? What the fuck was ‘kromer’? The only thing I knew of currency down here was dark dollars not kromer... even if he did ask for dark dollars he didn’t name a price, he just said many. And the amount of dark dollars I had was zero. “Uh I don’t have kromer. I don’t even have dark dollars I’m kinda broke Spamton, in case you couldn’t tell from uh...” I trailed off realizing saying that sleeping in an alley wasn’t a very smart thing to say to someone who slept in an alley.  He seemed surprised by my words, beginning to tug on my coat, flipping my pockets to see if I was really lying. I had to push his mitts off me a couple of times, to which he eventually got the idea the way his hands began to rub at his extended jaw. “NO KROMER... WHAT CAN YOU DO?” “What do you mean?” He seemed to sense my change in tone, his grin beginning to wobble nervously “[Whoopsie daisy!] LET ME START AGAIN. DO YOU HAVE A [trade]? A [skill] TO [Exchange for goods and services]?” he croaked. I eyed the ground, rubbing the back of my neck. What the hell was I good at again? “I mean, I can draw, I suppose...” “ARTIST? WOW OWOW!” Spamton’s face lit up before digging in the dumpster, pulling out a few napkins and a ball point pen and shoving them into my hands. “WHAT A [trade] TELL YOU WHAT. YOU DRAW A [one-of-a-kind masterpiece] AND YOU CAN STAY THE NIGHT!” “You’ll let me stay... if I draw something for you on this napkin. Am I getting that right?” The doll nodded feverishly, basically hovering over my shoulder as I played with the pen. This was certainly the weirdest way to pay someone that I could imagine... well no but one that was in the realm of reality. I had to ask Spamton to give me some space a few time, the feeling of his breath on  my neck making me more then nervous as I drew. God he was like those kids in school that would ask for drawings but ten times worse with the amount of personal space he’d give you. Besides I needed something to draw and with nothing on the mind why not draw the most interesting thing in front of me. I held the finished doodle out to Spamton only to have it snatched out of my fingers so fast I swore we could have started a fire. “WOAH...” The puppet sank inside of the dumpster, his face softening  as for once in what seemed like forever the alley way grew silent. “THIS IS... ME?” “Yeah. Sorry I didn’t know what to draw, you kind of put me on the spot. Besides everyone likes drawings of themselves right?” I shrugged, being pulled away from my thoughts by an overdramatic sniffle. Was he... crying? Not quite, just damn well close. Spamton’s shoulders quaked as a warm smile returned to his cheeks, slipping the napkin into his pocket with glee. “SO GOOD... THANK YOU.” “It’s really nothing, honestly that was a pretty shitty drawing.” “WHAT? YOU’RE [&#!^]ING ME! THAT WAS [BIG SHOT]” He was screaming again, hands gesturing wildly about. “It wasn’t but thank you. I wish I was better to be honest. I’m not very happy with my art, not at all.” I turned away from his gaze, unsure of why I was overcome by a choking sensation building my throat.  Why the hell was I telling this stranger this sort of stuff anyway? I mean I could hazard a guess it was the fact that this was the longest conversation I had had with anyone since I had gotten down here but with how things were it could be some magic power the doll possessed to tell him my deepest darkest secrets. “YOU DON’T THINK THIS IS [Big?]” “No.” “WHY NOT?” “I don’t know. I just... I think it doesn’t look the way I want it to. Doesn’t look good to me, and I don’t know how to fix it. Which I guess is a little funny considering how long I’ve been drawing. Just keep... drawing and drawing and never improving, least not how I’d like. It’s just garbage to me.” Spamton’s face seemed to fall, his glasses fading to a dark inky black.  “YOU FEEL? NO GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO? YOUR [passion]?”  “Yeah.” A laugh ripped from his chest, his head lolling back with each chuckle. I felt my soul began to crack, a shame flooding my body with how hard he seemed to laugh. Did he find this funny? Humorous?  I felt tears prick my eyes as I snapped my head back to glare at him, his head glitching back to stare back at me. “YOU’RE JUST LIKE ME, JENNA. A [slime] A REAL [slime]!” With a quick motion the puppet jumped to the ground, his hand resting against my arm as he spoke.  “YOU’RE A REAL [BIG SHOT] YOU KNOW THAT? STAY AS LONG AS YOUR [Greasy little heart] DESIRES!” Well... that was unexpected. He’d really let me stay here as long as I want cause I was pathetic? Or did he just feel sorry for me? What was going on? And why was he calling me a slime... or us a slime?  “Oh... uh thanks? I didn’t think I was being  much of a big shot whatever that is but I apricate it. Really.” His head clacked with every little nod, leading me to a pile of cardboard boxes and patting them with the grace of a car salesman. “BEST [Seat in the house] ALL FOR YOU. [Night night forever]!” Spamton beamed, awkwardly swaying side to side before stumbling back to the dumpster a few inches away and crawling inside of it, much like a wild animal. I couldn’t help but laugh a little. This guy was weird. Kinda creepy but also kind of funny. I honestly couldn’t pinpoint a feeling on him but at least he didn’t want to hurt me just make weird ass deals and make me ‘big’. Did that mean famous? Was this guy so into my art he wanted to be some sort of manager? I rubbed my eyes and let out a yawn, the excitement of the day finally beginning to fade. God I forgot how tired I was, that little guy made me feel like I was gonna go into fight or flight.  “Hey Spamton?” “YES?” his voice echoed from inside the metal container. “...Thank you.”

[hypnomicimagines]

Trust [Vampire!Aohitsugi Samatoki]

“If you’re so hungry, why don’t you just take a bite of me?”

There was a certain type of aggression that vampires liked in their mates, human or otherwise, that pulled them in. Being teased with double-entendres seemed to be one of those necessities, knowing their partner wasn’t afraid of them seemed important, or at least it was to Samatoki. He might appear to be irritable but ever since you’d offered up your blood to him in a time of need, the vampire had done all that he could to make you comfortable with him. It helped that your relationship was already flirtatious but the trust that was built from allowing him to feed, on both of your parts, was what fully cemented you as Samatoki’s ‘one’.

You liked to tease him to the point Samatoki wondered if you really did get off to him biting you, not that the sensation was ever an unpleasant one. It left you feeling more sensitive than usual after the initial burning in the newly opened wound stopped, his tongue running over the new holes in your skin in appreciation. They always healed up beautifully but he liked that if he looked hard enough, he could see the tiny scars left behind. It marked you as belonging to a vampire, belonging to him, and your neck would be the first place any other vampire looked before attempting to take you as their own.

“What about right here?” Your finger traced along your thigh, watching with amusement as Samatoki’s eyes carefully followed your finger. He had never had a partner as explorative as you, who was so willing to mark their body in every place they possibly could. “If you’re really hungry we can just do my wrist since I know it’s one of the best spots, but…”

Your burning desire matched his own and one cold hand rested on your thigh, moving it away from your other so he could get between your legs. He liked the look of anticipation, how you were ready for both the pain and pleasure he was about to bring you. He kneaded the soft skin, sucking the area without puncturing before grazing his teeth as a warning. You reached down to grab his hand and his fingers laced with yours, squeezing as he broke through your skin and allowed your sweet blood to run over his tongue. You were only a little noise, letting out a little whimper at first before the only thing he could hear was your erratic breathing, your eyes squeezed shut and his hand released as you laid back on your pillow.

“…Thanks for the food.” He knew you thought it was just some stupid gimmick on his part but each time he drank from you he thanked you, even checking in to make sure you weren’t suffering any symptoms of blood loss.

At first, he hardly drank enough to even quench his thirst because he was so paranoid about hurting you, there had even been a time where he was on the brink of death and you appeared that he had almost drank you dry, the very thought that he could’ve killed you had him considering starving himself in repentance. That time had come and gone but it felt seared into Samatoki’s brain, a reminder that he needed to be careful with his thirst or you would be facing the consequences of trusting a terrible creature like him.

“You’re welcome.” Your smile is warm as you ushered him up, Samatoki licking the blood clean from his fangs before he obeyed your wishes. You were so beautiful and warm, he hadn’t felt a warmth like that in centuries, and he found himself just as addicted to this feeling as you were to his bites. He was hopeless when it came to you, resting his cheek against your chest as he listened to the sound of your beating heart.

Calm.

You trusted him.

You trusted him so much more than he trusted himself.

How could Samatoki ever thank you for all that you had done? How could he repay your kindness? How could he apologize for almost sending you to an early grave? Your relationship had gotten rocky but even so, you had stuck by his side, showed him a loyalty that few vampires received from non-vampire partners. Having a boyfriend like him used to be a trend, all the humans and other species alike wanting to show off their century old partner who dressed like they belonged in another era, but you had never been that way.

No, you had been content to stay inside and keep him company during the daylight hours.

Trust.

He trusted you too, didn’t he?

He had told you all about vampires, about some of their weakness, but not without some apprehension on his part. Samatoki had been worried about an enemy clan moving in on his territory, it had been the only reason he brought the subject up, but he realized all those methods applied to him as well. Would he be able to raise a hand to you if you came at him with a stake? With fire? One day you could simply decide to rise, open the curtains in his apartment, and permanently take him out of this world.

When he mentioned that last fought you responded with a confused, “Why does a vampire live in a place that has windows anyway?”

Samatoki had laughed.

It was hard to make him laugh.

As he laid in bed beside you now, listening to your heart, soaking in your warmth, breathing in all the things that made you so beautifully mortal, he wondered how long this would last.

“Stop thinking your angsty vampire thoughts, ‘Toki. You know I always just thought that was something they put in books, that whole broody vampire stereotype, and now I see those authors must’ve been very intimate with you cynical vamps.” He scoffed at your observation, wanting to tell you that all the fiction was practically bullshit and that anyone attempting to publish actual accurate knowledge on vampires would be killed on the spot, but he saved his speech.

You’d already heard it before.

“Are you gonna tell me what you’re thinking about?”

“Not tonight. Don’t you have to sleep for work?”

“Ugh.” You seemed disappointed at the reminder and he couldn’t blame you, he didn’t exactly what to leave this position either. “You’re right but it’s more fun to be with you at night. You have more energy.”

His brooding thoughts hadn’t left him quite in the mood to have sex however he had no qualms about taking care of your needs. He leaned up to capture your lips in a possessive kiss, teeth grazing your lower lip as his hands slid down your body. He felt you unintentionally tense under his cold touch as his slipped past your panties and he smirked, nipping at your ear and asking if you were even ready for his fingers let alone his dick. You nodded your head, turning to look at him with a stubborn pout, he loved when you looked at him like that.

Inside of you is even warmer than outside, a fact he thought about often while you were being intimate. It was almost like being burned with fire but a far more pleasant sensation once he was used to it. He knew his body temperature never changed but he always felt like he broke out into a sweat when he was inside you, like your warmth was somehow infectious even though it couldn’t be the case. He liked that feeling, it almost felt like he was human again, and being with you made any potential terrible thing just so much better.

“S-Samatoki,” You gasped out, his fingers carefully moving inside you, “If you keep being so rough I…”

“I told you to get to bed, didn’t I?” Samatoki kissed your neck and you moved your head to the side, a jolt of pleasure running through your body as you remembered the sensation of his bite. “We’re gonna make it quick so you can get some damn sleep, brat.”

“Me a brat?” You cried out again as he started to rub your clit, your hips bucking up to meet his fingers. “Have you seen how… How you act? When you don’t get your way…!”

“I always get my way.” Samatoki’s voice is akin to a growl, “Do I need to remind you what I am?”

“The love of my life?” You asked playfully, and while he had been setting a certain type of mood… He can’t say that didn’t resonate with him. He can’t say that didn’t go straight to his dick, twitching eagerly in his pants, now wanting to answer the calls of your moans. “W-Why’d you stop?”

“I’m going to fuck you into this mattress.” You’re surprised at the sudden mood swing as Samatoki removed his hand from your pants, now looming on top of you with a dark look in his eye. “You’ll be lucky if you can fuckin’ make it to work tomorrow.”

He could hurt you like that. He could break you if he’s too rough, exhaust you with his immense stamina to the point you can hardly move, yet you knew he’d treat you as delicately as he ever did. His thrusts would be desperate and his fangs would constantly graze your skin, ready to puncture the second he wanted to without you having any say in it, yet you knew he would never do that. You knew he’d never drink from you without permission. You knew he’d never hurt you, that the intimacy of having sex was something that meant a great deal to Samatoki.

You trusted him.

And he would never break that trust.

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[lepusrufus]

Double edged scalpel ch. 2

Ch. 1

Summary: Cassanda Awkward Asshole Dimitrescu

---

After a couple weeks of doing normal maid chores, Nicole was not expecting to see the dungeons again. Not after Cassandra’s little “failed experiment”. But all good things must come to an end eventually, don’t they? And to an end they came when a faint buzzing reached her ears mid-mopping the floor in one of the main halls.

 Two gloved hands were placed on her hips, pinning her in place, while Cassandra's chin came to rest on her shoulder. She inhaled deeply before finally speaking. 

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" 

Yes you very much are. 

"Of course not, my lady." 

"Good good. Sadly my study is quite a mess again and I was wondering…" one hand came to teasingly caress Nicole’s cheek. “You aren’t busy tomorrow, are you?”

She wasn’t. In fact, tomorrow was Nicole’s day off, something that she would bet on a lifetime supply of coffee that Cassandra was well aware of. It took every ounce of self control not to let a groan accompany her next words.

“I am not.” Asshole.

She felt herself being spun around, Cassandra’s face uncomfortably close to hers. “Be there by ten then.” And, with the sickle now under Nicole’s chin, “Don’t be late.”

And just as easily as she appeared, Cassandra dissipated into a cloud of flies and made her leave. A sigh of relief got caught in Nicole’s throat when she noticed the other two sisters standing in the doorframe opposite from the one Cassandra flew out of. They both gave her an amused look, seeing the faint blush on Nicle’s cheeks and, to her dread, they both approached her. Bela was the first to speak, thankfully keeping her distance.

“So what exactly is your deal? Immune to all the blood and gore, hm,” she hummed, eyes inquisitive .

“It’s been a while since Cassie was so dead set on scaring someone,” Daniela chirped in from behind and Nicole had to force herself not to snort at the nickname.

So that’s what this was about. Lil’ old Cassie was throwing a hissy fit because one person in this castle wasn’t cowering and bowing at her feet the moment they saw some blood splattered on her otherwise beautiful face. If she had to work in this hellhole of a village, then at the very least she could get some mild satisfaction out of annoying the family sadist. With the other sisters however, there was no point in hiding what her “deal” was. 

“I worked as a medical examiner.” At a raised blonde eyebrow she specified, “I used to examine dead bodies. Autopsies and all that.”

Bela’s face turned from mild shock to amusement, her eyes darting to the younger sister who straight up started laughing while the eldest, at least trying to keep her composure, chuckled. 

“Oh this is gonna be interesting,” the redhead said through giggles.

---

Nicole really had hoped that Cassandra meant 10 pm, with how the Dimitrescus were nowhere to be found during the early day, and she would still have the day to herself until night came. That idea went completely out the tinted windows when, at nine thirty, the head chambermaid came to remind her of the change in schedule. She quickly downed the remaining coffee from her cup while mentally cursing and bolted to her room to change into proper attire, then out the door she went. 

Where was she even supposed to meet the brunette? The doors to the dungeons were bolted shut and she doubted Cassandra would oh so graciously escort her this time. Then again, Lady Dimitrescu did say that she had to be supervised. She got her answer when the doors opened with a click and a drawn out groan from the heavy wood. Cassandra was standing there, eyes scrutinizing as ever while giving Nicole a once over. Then she pulled out a pocket watch that looked at least a century old.

“You’re…” eyes narrowed at the small silver object. “Seven minutes early. Oh you’re as annoying about being on time as Bela aren’t you?”

Well you did make it a point to tell me to be on time, you absolute hypocrite. Instead of voicing her opinions though, Nicole settled for following the other girl deep into the castle’s undergrounds, through damp and oddly warm corridors. The giddiness was back into Cassandra’s demeanor, golden eyes occasionally turning to the small redhead walking behind her with an expression of barely concealed glee. This was definitely not good news. 

It took about .5 seconds to notice what got the brunette so happy when they entered her study. The room was definitely cleaner than the first time, only a handful of devices were dirty and the floor needed some mopping. The tables however... One was covered in fresh blood and the other had a dead body sprawled on it, partially covered by a stained sheet. Oh the irony.

While Nicole was cleaning the unoccupied table, she was facing the brunette, somehow trusting her even less with a scalpel in hand than with a sickle. Not that watching her absolutely botch an autopsy was much better mind you. 

Has nobody taught you about the Y incision?!

That's too dee- congrats you’re making a mess.

That cut needs to go lower. What, are you afraid of some balls?

Oh my god are you trying to take the heart out before even taking care of the guts-

“What is it?” Cassandra’s voice came with a low growl, then a slight cock of the head. “You’re staring.”

“N-nothing,” Nicole stumbled over her reply, realizing too late that her hand had stilled on the rag she was using to clean the blood.

“One thing that I hate more than being disrespected is being lied to.” The warning was clear in her tone. “So I’ll ask again: what is it?”

Nicole was sure that being criticized was something she would hate even more, so she made the split second decision to go with a white lie.

“I just...find autopsies quite fascinating.” Well, in a way she did.

“...You do?” Golden eyes widened in what was probably the first truly genuine emotion Nicole has ever seen on Cassandra’s face: surprise, and a hint of curiosity. 

When Nicole reaffirmed her reply, the brunette’s eyes stayed on her for a few long seconds, trying to find the traces of a lie. When she found none, she just dismissed the other girl with an awkward cough and a “Those knives won’t clean themselves.” 

A tense silence fell on the room, only disturbed by the occasional clink of metal tools or the sloshing of organs being handled by the brunette. After the table was wiped to a reflective surface, Nicole moved on to mopping the blood trails on the floor. She was grateful for the chance to step away from Cassandra, if only for a bit. After the floor too was clean, it was time to wipe the few dirty blades, thankfully not as many as last time. She took a dagger from its holster on the wall and carefully ran a piece of cloth over the blade, washing away dried crimson clots. 

As much as it was probably a bad idea, she couldn't help throwing a subtle glance behind her at Cassandra. A few organs were placed on the table at the body’s feet, and she was taking notes in a leatherbound notebook that looked well used. The idea that she had any interest in the bodies beyond being food gave Nicole an oddly nostalgic feeling. It sent her right back in high school, when one of her friends who took art history classes was telling her all about how da Vinci used real dead bodies in order to study anatomy. Yeah, da Vinci but the more attractive versio- fuck.

She hissed and retracted her hand as she felt the sharp blade cut her wrist and almost dropped the dagger. The effort to conceal the pain was there, but useless as Cassandra was by her side in mere seconds. 

"Oh did you cut yourself?" She asked with feign concern, and grabbed her hand. "Here let me help you with that." 

"Oh no I'm okay really no nee-" 

Nicole's words died in her throat when Cassandra stuck out her tongue and dragged it, slowly, across the cut, collecting every last drop of blood. To top it off, she let out a low moan and gave the soft skin there a small nip, successfully making the redhead’s breath hitch. Now any normal and sane person would think I still have a knife in my hand, I should use it, but Nicole would be lying to everyone and then herself if she said she didn’t have a thing for danger. And it doesn’t get much more dangerous than this, now does it.

“Mm...you taste wonderful.” 

Was she supposed to thank her?

“You’re lucky you intrigue me, otherwise you would make for some fine wine.” She finished with her trademark cackle.

Oh she was definitely not getting a thanks now. Nicole rolled her eyes slightly, tugging her hand away. She was half expecting Cassandra not to release her, but instead she let go of her wrist and, with a giggle, she returned to her work without another word.

---

That night, Nicole made damn sure to wash the cut until her skin felt like it would have a permanent sensation of pins and needles. Once a bandage was securely wrapped around her wrist she sat down with a cup of tea, not quite ready to sleep yet. How ironic would it be if she died of an infection while living in a castle where people are literally turned into food and wine.

Although in all honesty, she was quite certain her death would be far more entertaining.